I do it for the lulz, you guys obviously take the internetz wayyy to serious.
I think where you are going wrong is that this is not like the internetz or 2+2. A lot of us here know each other personally, have met and generally respect one another... Not much stoopid bragging and kiddie bravado. I think that's why you are getting laughed at (apart from what you originally got banned for). If you had bothered to establish a positive rep on here first you would have been able to get away with some friendly bragging, etc, now it appears to be too late... I could be wrong but ......
I think where you are going wrong is that this is not like the internetz or 2+2. A lot of us here know each other personally, have met and generally respect one another... Not much stoopid bragging and kiddie bravado. I think that's why you are getting laughed at (apart from what you originally got banned for). If you had bothered to establish a positive rep on here first you would have been able to get away with some friendly bragging, etc, now it appears to be too late... I could be wrong but ......
lol, thats ok with me... Im positive I will meet some of you in RL and will see that Im a good guy... I just clown around alot. Im originally from cambridge, visit my girl friend at U of G quite frequently, so im that end of the province alot when im not working here up north. Id love to shake a couple of your guys's hands and buy you a beer (or maybe you can buy mine because I am so broke, right)
A newfie farmer named Seamus had a car accident.
>
> In court, the trucking company's hot shot lawyer was questioning Seamus.
>
>
>
> "Didn't you say to the RCMP officer at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
> fine' " asked the solicitor.
>
>
>
> Seamus responded "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded
> my favourite cow, Bessie, into the....
>
>
>
> "I didn't ask for any details" the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the
> question. Did you not say, at the secne of the accident , I'm fine?"
>
>
>
> Seamus said," well, I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was
> driving down the road."....
>
>
>
> The solicitor interrupted again and said, "your honor, I'm trying to
> establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the
> police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks later he's
> trying to sue my client. I believe he's a fraud. Please tell him to
> simply answer the question."
>
>
>
> By this time the judge was inteterested in Seamus's anwer and said to
> the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite
> cow, Bessie."
>
>
>
> Seamus thanked the judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had
> just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving
> her down the road when this huge 18 wheeler came through a stop sign and
> hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie
> was thrown into the other. I was hurt very badly and didn't want to move.
>
> However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning . I knew she was in
> terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after the accident an RCMP
> officer on a motorcycle showed up. He could hear Bessie's moans and
> groans as well so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw
> her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes."
>
>
>
> Then the officer came across the road with his gun still in his hand and
> looked at me and said," how are you feeling?"
>
>
>
> "Now what the fuck would you have said?"
The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from the Phillipines. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a woman from the Holland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, the cooking and bring him beer in her birthday suit. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, there was a huge dinner on the table and she served a beer in her birthday suit.
The fourth man married a girl from CANADA. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.
The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from the Phillipines. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a woman from the Holland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, the cooking and bring him beer in her birthday suit. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, there was a huge dinner on the table and she served a beer in her birthday suit.
The fourth man married a girl from CANADA. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.
Results of recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen..
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you," and make the woo woo sound.
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN --
I have enough problems of my own!
As many of you may know, car manufacturers have been installing data recorders in their vehicles for several years, now. What you may not be aware of, is that over the last several years Transport Canada has also had them installing voice recorders similar to those used on aircraft, in order to allow more thorough investigations of accidents, to improve vehicle safety. Recently the first sets of findings were published, based on 278 accident investigations in the province of Quebec. In the overwhelming majority of cases the last thing on the voice recorder was the following:
Tabernac . . . Hold my beer . . . and watch this!!!
As many of you may know, car manufacturers have been installing data recorders in their vehicles for several years, now. What you may not be aware of, is that over the last several years Transport Canada has also had them installing voice recorders similar to those used on aircraft, in order to allow more thorough investigations of accidents, to improve vehicle safety. Recently the first sets of findings were published, based on 278 accident investigations in the province of Quebec. In the overwhelming majority of cases the last thing on the voice recorder was the following:
Tabernac . . . Hold my beer . . . and watch this!!!
I believe proper pronunciation of this is "Tabernac... old my beer...and watch dis."
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
This is so true!
They always ask at the doctor's reception why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
Comments
Who said I didnt?
Extremly profitable at the tables, I blog online, Get free tackle from the local shop....
Comp, you are starting to turn into "one of them" :-[
I do it for the lulz, you guys obviously take the internetz wayyy to serious.
I think where you are going wrong is that this is not like the internetz or 2+2. A lot of us here know each other personally, have met and generally respect one another... Not much stoopid bragging and kiddie bravado. I think that's why you are getting laughed at (apart from what you originally got banned for). If you had bothered to establish a positive rep on here first you would have been able to get away with some friendly bragging, etc, now it appears to be too late... I could be wrong but ......
lol, thats ok with me... Im positive I will meet some of you in RL and will see that Im a good guy... I just clown around alot. Im originally from cambridge, visit my girl friend at U of G quite frequently, so im that end of the province alot when im not working here up north. Id love to shake a couple of your guys's hands and buy you a beer (or maybe you can buy mine because I am so broke, right)
Clearly. I've actually been losing sleep and have had to see a shrink since you started posting.
W-ashing
I-roning
F-ucking
E-tc
Look forward to tomorrow mornings' funny Mr. Slim
Damn.....busted!! Just checkin in before I go back to the the tables.
>
> In court, the trucking company's hot shot lawyer was questioning Seamus.
>
>
>
> "Didn't you say to the RCMP officer at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
> fine' " asked the solicitor.
>
>
>
> Seamus responded "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded
> my favourite cow, Bessie, into the....
>
>
>
> "I didn't ask for any details" the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the
> question. Did you not say, at the secne of the accident , I'm fine?"
>
>
>
> Seamus said," well, I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was
> driving down the road."....
>
>
>
> The solicitor interrupted again and said, "your honor, I'm trying to
> establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the
> police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks later he's
> trying to sue my client. I believe he's a fraud. Please tell him to
> simply answer the question."
>
>
>
> By this time the judge was inteterested in Seamus's anwer and said to
> the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite
> cow, Bessie."
>
>
>
> Seamus thanked the judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had
> just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving
> her down the road when this huge 18 wheeler came through a stop sign and
> hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie
> was thrown into the other. I was hurt very badly and didn't want to move.
>
> However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning . I knew she was in
> terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after the accident an RCMP
> officer on a motorcycle showed up. He could hear Bessie's moans and
> groans as well so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw
> her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes."
>
>
>
> Then the officer came across the road with his gun still in his hand and
> looked at me and said," how are you feeling?"
>
>
>
> "Now what the fuck would you have said?"
The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from the Phillipines. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a woman from the Holland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, the cooking and bring him beer in her birthday suit. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, there was a huge dinner on the table and she served a beer in her birthday suit.
The fourth man married a girl from CANADA. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.
plz forward to Walleye immediately!
I can't think of a good joke atm so here.....
Results of recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen..
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you," and make the woo woo sound.
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN --
I have enough problems of my own!
Have a good weekend all!!>:D>:D
10th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th - "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - "Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
6th - "It does so f***ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
5th - "Where the f*** are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - "Any f***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
3rd - "What the f*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963
And ... drum roll .....
The number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word ....
"Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is going to find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009
Tabernac . . . Hold my beer . . . and watch this!!!
I believe proper pronunciation of this is "Tabernac... old my beer...and watch dis."
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
This is so true!
They always ask at the doctor's reception why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!
hav a good weekend all!
Milton (:p>:D^-^) Slim
Keep the tip.
blame my Sister-in-law.
Jersey shore^^^ LOL
Not fair to have one without the other..
WARNING NSFW!
You're welcome!
UP AND DOWN WIN!
havent seen those before..
real?