Depressing January-February
Always find this time of the year depressing
Cold, Not enough daylight, Xmas Debt, Bulky Clothes..etc
So, light thread, a daily morning smile
short one liners welcomed
start the day with a grin on that chin
so here goes:
Light travels faster than sound
This is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak!
Milton Slim
Cold, Not enough daylight, Xmas Debt, Bulky Clothes..etc
So, light thread, a daily morning smile
short one liners welcomed
start the day with a grin on that chin
so here goes:
Light travels faster than sound
This is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak!
Milton Slim
Comments
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep till noon.
Are both your parents retarded? You look very special.
P.S. it seriously isn't worth killing yourself over
I knew there was a reason I liked you . . .
@}->--
wtf is that?
Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet.
Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost £500, and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!", says Murphy's wife.
"I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.
THE THINGS THAT COME TO THOSE THAT WAIT, WILL BE THE THINGS LEFT BY THOSE WHO GOT THERE FIRST.
A FLASH LIGHT: A METAL TUBE USED TO STORE DEAD BATTERIES.
HAPPY WEEKEND ALL!
Milton Slim
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thinks slowest
Milton Slim:)
A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine.
All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.
The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada."
The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada?"
The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"
"No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."
The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
make January/February LESS DEPRESSING
Milton "Love Those Smiley's" Slim
???:):-\>:D:D:o
> into a bar and, by chance, is served by a Canadian barmaid. As she takes his
> order, a Molson's, she notices his accent. Over the course of theevening they
> get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his
> place.
>
> Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to
> pay her $200 to sleep with him.
>
> As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds,
> she
> agrees.
>
> The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Molson's
> and aftershowing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again
> for $200. She remembers the payout from night before and is only too happy to
> agree.
>
> This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in
> again,
> orders Molson's but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid
> thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more
> cash out of him.. So she goes over and sits next to him.
>
> She asks him where he's from in Canada ..
>
> ' Thunder Bay', he tells her.
>
> 'So am I. What area?' she enquires.
>
> ' Port Arthur ' he replies.
>
> 'That's amazing,' she says excitedly, 'so am I - what street?'
>
> ' Cameo Street ' he replies.
>
> 'This is unbelievable..........' she says, her voice quavering;
>
> 'What number?'
>
> 'Number 20', he replies.
>
> She is totally astonished. 'You are NOT going to believe this,'
> she
> screams, 'but I'm from number 22! My parents still live there!'
>
> 'I know...' he says, 'Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you'
>
> HE WHO DRINKS Canadian, THINKS Canadian
Milton Slim
@}->--
got a good one for tomorrow too!
Milton Slim
remember, Spring is 24 hours closer than it was yesterday at this time.
shopping, casinos, massages, facials.
Two days before the group is to leave Mary's husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn't going.
Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the
bar drinking a glass of wine.
"Wow, how long you been here and how did you talk your husband into
letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night............ Yesterday evening I was
sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said 'Guess who'?"
I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit.
He took my hand and lead me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over............On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, "Now, you can do whatever you want."
So here I am.
Goddamnit! Get these cuffs off of me! Damn Shar took my roll and fucked off to Vegas!
Anyone cool with leaving him cuffed?
Mark and Mario are walking down the beach somewhere in the sunny, non-earthquake ravaged Caribbean. Mario is wearing his usual Speedo, while Mark is rocking a pair of see-through trunks.
After several gasps and appreciative glances from both sexes, Mario turns to Mark and says: "You know, Mark, I always knew you were crazy, but now everyone can see you're nuts."
That joke is older then the skid marks on your briefs.
Im very active... besides beign a professional poker player, professional interwebz-man, professional MMA critic, professional fisherman, professional everything.
its tough being me... I dont wish my professionalism lifestyle and way of life upon anyone.
Don't you actually have to "make" money at something to be considered a professional?