Well we all made it! Here is my trip report, I will leave Zithal to his particulars but cover the group / non forum shenanigans as much as I can recall. First, a breakdown for the TLDR crowd:
Arrests: 0, witnessed: 1
Marriage proposals: 1
Anonymous partially nude girls brought to room in drunken stupor : 1
Party members lost only to have to cab back from another casino : 1
Oddest type of person encountered: Buddhist monks watching a hot pants and push up bra pirate show
Party members up overall: 4/6
Alcohol consumed: don't judge our lifestyle
Pre-game show, Thursday August 29:
Zithal is driving, collects myself, and fellow degens Dustin and Larry before travelling to Windsor to crash at brother Greg's house. Greg has a pinball table so we drink and make prop bets on our skillz. Sleep comes around midnight for our eight a.m. wake up.
Prop bets at the airport about who gets the worst seat on the plane, first luggage retrieved etc. couple early morning airport drinks and we are in the air. First run good for me happens - the "full flight" has one missing passenger and he was next to me. Ahh comfort.
Game on: Friday August 30, 1pm Vegas time:
Degenerate efficiency mode engages as half the crew go to register at the hotel while the other half takes drink orders to purchase off site (cheaper). I was in the latter of these groups with Dustin and Jay (another degen who joined us at the airport from Boston - friend of Zithal). We buy drinks, mix, chips, bread and peanut butter in case we don't want to eat out every meal (-$172, 2x60oz spiced rum, 26er tequila, 60oz whiskey, various beers). Back to the cab who regales us with tales of Ron Jeremy being a passenger and a "girl getting nailed by two guys back there". My seat selection rungood holds as I was in the front. We arrive at treasure island and go to our adjoining twin queens upgraded room (score Zithal!).
Drinks are had, excitement abound and our first stop is a roulette table where Larry has informed us that he plans to take his $400 and put it on red. We fire over to Venetian and collectively hold our breath. Larry sweats.... Bounce bounce bounce............... 23 RED!!!!! High fives and man love abound, we're off to Ellis island for the chicken and ribs deal ($12 for more food in an hour than I had in the remainder of the trip). Before seating we play some blackjack and the dealer can not withstand our manly rungood. Zithal has his hair looking dapper, Larry is flush with victory, Dustin calculating with a fierce determination to beat Vegas down, and Greg and myself at that point on a bender when our energy and charm is peaking. Dealer loses easily 4/5 hands and all who played are up about 20-30 bucks.
Dinner was awesome, really good to get if you can get there (more on that later). But now it's about 7pm and its back to TI for the pokers. They run a $55 tourney three times nightly and it's structure would make Blondefish lecture us about take %, patience factor, and why we should be at Woodbine. Now out of our crew Zithal and I are the only poker players of any regularity. Everyone played however, and two of us made it heads up!! I don't really remember any exciting hands here as it became more a steal blinds tourney, but Greg and myself luck into heads up. We can only assume because of the sheer quantity of alcohol consumed. We chop the tourney to end it and both take home $565! Pretty solid start, especially when Zithal had gone to the cash game, but that's his story. The other degens were around the casino gambling and drinking, and Dustin came told me about "Senor Frogs", the in-house nightclub. We head there, and I buy a round for myself Dustin Greg and Larry - $51!!! 100 feet away free, here equal to tourney buyin. Oh well. The club\s actually cool and there are TONNES of people around for the long weekend. We're all on a high and out of nowhere (as far as i knew that is) Dustin displays his mastery of the dance floor. People are turning and watching him. Awesome and we meet "French Canada" - cute blonde down with her mom, and party with them a bit.
Sadly even in Vegas the crowd must thin out and we are leaving señor frogs about 3:30-4:00 (best estimate) for our hotel room. Of course this means waking whoever tried to sleep with excitement and elbow drops. But energy slowly fades and sleep overtakes.......
Well, 5 of us at least….
After a quick, floor-based face down power nap of about 4 mins I decide poker is good to me tonight and the Venetian runs Omaha! Off I go! Sadly it's one table running of NLHE. Head back to TI and decide to play the 1-3 there. The female dealer Jess from the earlier tourney is working, and is fun to banter with. She is the new love of my life when she continues to trash talk me after I tip her $10 for a big pot. Not a huge run but I am up about three hundred ($500 buyin) when I run my flush into higher flush dropping profit to about $120 or so. I realize it’s 7am and head back upstairs to sleep.
Well.. .that’s what I had thought at least… do note that I had been up since 8:00 previous day
Seems they must pump caffeine into the rooms every morning at 7am here. Everyone is awake when I get there and are heading to the pool! Off we go! While there we meet Barb. Barb is the new love of my life. She’s a waitress working poolside, and has a bikini as a uniform. She was very talented. Since we’re all still on giddy vegas winning rungood, we think that drinks poolside is a good idea. They come in these souvenir plastic crappy glasses with a straw, and you can drink and swim. They are $18 a pop. We basically bought enough of those that they gave us a cabana without charge to eat breakfast in. This was the $350 brekkie, just drinks and food, we all found it pretty fucking funny in that “god dammit we’re fucking idiots” kinda way.
Anyways, pools are fun, scenery is good, but the Wynn has a $225 10k guarantee that Zithal wants to play. I’m up, so I’m in, and so does degen Larry. Now I was up at the room changing, and Rob headed over, Larry finds me, and to make it on time, we have to run. In Las Vegas heat, in August, we are running around the strip. Larry doesn’t seem to believe me when I tell him about “late registration”. Anyways, arrive just in time and sign in, there’s a $100 add-on for chips, so I plop that down too. I never get anything going in this tournament. I have AK early and lose to a Q-T come-along, and just slow decline. I’m enjoying myself though, the massage girl looks like Eliza Dushku and I gladly pay her to touch me repeatedly (note, this is the casino in-house girl, not the ones on the cards outside). There’s a player at our table who is just stunningly bad, a guy to my left who is swearing EVERY hand he doesn’t like, and the dude on my right who orders a burger and sends it back three separate times because they got it wrong (I ordered a cheeseburger and there isn’t any cheese / I think she just added cheese and didn’t melt it on there / I asked for medium rare, and this is clearly now well done). Bit of a dick, but hey, I’m not the cook. Anyways old swearing guy and burger boy are making fun of the terribly bad player’s play amongst ourselves (called a 3-bet for 10xBB with Q4o). Fate comes to slap us around a bit however, as burger boy looks plast my shoulder and moans “Oh god, and she plays poker too”. A stunning brunette is talking to the cashier, and enters the poker room. She proceeds to walk directly to the terribad player, hug and kiss him and start talking. All three of us say something to the effect of “Oh come on, this is bullshit”.
I’m stunned at some of the play that Zithal is also reporting, we agree the field seemed tougher in the previous night’s tournament. This of course means none of us make it much past break, and Larry disappeared back to the hotel while Rob and I were cashing out his cash game money he played. As Rob and I make our way back, our mood is still great, drinks haven’t quite stopped, and as we enter our elevator area (side note: We had to have a key to even access the floor we were on), this girl at the end of the hall is sitting on the bench. We jovially say hey, what’s up kinda stuff, and it quickly devolves into our mentioning it’s Zithal’s stag, and she pokes fun at us for it. Essentially as we’re waiting on the elevator, we shit talk one another, and then she agrees to come up to the room for drinks. I tell her the one condition is that I never know what her name is. She finds out we’re from Ontario, and she tells us she is too - Ontario California. We christen her “Ontario” as we enter the room everyone is there and we all drink and make fun of one another. At one point, I challenge Ontario to a mental game I never lose, and VERY CLEARLY spell out the rules, she blows the game early, and I win. The penalty was to run down the hallways naked. She says that I have to too, and I most certainly do not. She manages to turn it around on me, and goes to the hall, dropping her pants, timed perfectly as our neighbour comes from his room and basically sees this girl “presenting”. We continue drinks and mocking, but then some of the degens want to go back to chicken and ribs place, leaving me and the Zithal brothers. Rob has had a lot of beer, and there may be a story of his downfall…. Greg, Ontario and I have a few more drinks, but I decide I need to try that Omaha again, so off to Venetian again about 90 minutes after the others left.
It’s likely 8:30-9:00 now, and I figure the room should be busy. As I enter Venetian, the other degens are coming up the escalator. They spent the entire time looking for Ellis Island, and could not figure out how to get there, so grabbed food elsewhere and were heading back to the room for drinks…. this seems to be a good idea to me at the time (umm, notice it’s been 36 hours without significant sleep?) and I turn around. As we go, Ontario walks past high fives us, and we never see her again. She did however leave beads, glasses, and two packs of smokes in the room…
Speaking of the room, Zithal’s unconscious, and Greg’s napping (IIRC). We have drinks and Greg wakes. The guys want to play the tourney again tonight, and I go along, but Zithal cannot muster himself. We register and play again, but with less luck this time, only one of the crew make the money with myself getting 5th place for $140…. which seems like just a good enough reason to go play some blackjack outside of “Gilley’s”, which is a western-themed in house club with some tables out front. Now at these tables, there are pretty girls in assless chaps and a bikini, and sometimes a cowboy hat (a weakness of mine.. makes women 25% hotter - I did the math). I feared my seat-selecting run good had worn off as we sit in front of a little cutie, and immediately she goes on break and is replaced by “Eric”. As you can imagine, this is a downgrade… Or is it! Eric’s as bad as John from the Chicken and Rib place, and I win about $45 at this table before someone suggests back to Senor Frogs! Dustin still kills the dance floor, but we’re smart enough not to buy drinks here. I go out and “play slots” until I get a couple drinks from the same waitress from the poker room (I’ve been liberally tipping, so she’s memorized my drink and is quick). Senor frogs is a good time, and we head back upstairs late into the evening. One of our crew stayed later than the others, and apparently upon returning to the room, a bachelorette party from across the hall said hi, and drinks were had there too. I finally lay down to sleep at 3:30am on Saturday night since being up Friday morning (46 hours including the time change). I wake up, on my own, without alarm or asshole at 7:30am. Are you fucking kidding me…. Can’t go back to sleep, so downstairs to breakfast.
End of Part 1 because I am tired. I may also have to consult others for reconstruction of the events - for accuracy’s sake. It is safe to say at this point, there is likely only one person in the group who is “down”, but it’s not much. Tune in next time for tales of bad crap lessons, why Vegas smells like sewage, creepy swimmers, Buddhist monks, planning decisions, and my marriage proposal.
:
Pre-game show, Thursday August 29:
Zithal is driving, collects myself, and fellow degens Dustin and Larry before travelling to Windsor to crash at brother Greg's house. Greg has a pinball table so we drink and make prop bets on our skillz. Sleep comes around midnight for our eight a.m. wake up.
Prop bets at the airport about who gets the worst seat on the plane, first luggage retrieved etc. couple early morning airport drinks and we are in the air. First run good for me happens - the "full flight" has one missing passenger and he was next to me. Ahh comfort.
Game on: Friday August 30, 1pm Vegas time:
Degenerate efficiency mode engages as half the crew go to register at the hotel while the other half takes drink orders to purchase off site (cheaper). I was in the latter of these groups with Dustin and Jay (another degen who joined us at the airport from Boston - friend of Zithal). We buy drinks, mix, chips, bread and peanut butter in case we don't want to eat out every meal (-$172, 2x60oz spiced rum, 26er tequila, 60oz whiskey, various beers). Back to the cab who regales us with tales of Ron Jeremy being a passenger and a "girl getting nailed by two guys back there". My seat selection rungood holds as I was in the front. We arrive at treasure island and go to our adjoining twin queens upgraded room (score Zithal!).
Drinks are had, excitement abound and our first stop is a roulette table where Larry has informed us that he plans to take his $400 and put it on red. We fire over to Venetian and collectively hold our breath. Larry sweats.... Bounce bounce bounce............... 23 RED!!!!! High fives and man love abound, we're off to Ellis island for the chicken and ribs deal ($12 for more food in an hour than I had in the remainder of the trip). Before seating we play some blackjack and the dealer can not withstand our manly rungood. Zithal has his hair looking dapper, Larry is flush with victory, Dustin calculating with a fierce determination to beat Vegas down, and Greg and myself at that point on a bender when our energy and charm is peaking. Dealer loses easily 4/5 hands and all who played are up about 20-30 bucks.
Dinner was awesome, really good to get if you can get there (more on that later). But now it's about 7pm and its back to TI for the pokers. They run a $55 tourney three times nightly and it's structure would make Blondefish lecture us about take %, patience factor, and why we should be at Woodbine. Now out of our crew Zithal and I are the only poker players of any regularity. Everyone played however, and two of us made it heads up!! I don't really remember any exciting hands here as it became more a steal blinds tourney, but Greg and myself luck into heads up. We can only assume because of the sheer quantity of alcohol consumed. We chop the tourney to end it and both take home $565! Pretty solid start, especially when Zithal had gone to the cash game, but that's his story. The other degens were around the casino gambling and drinking, and Dustin came told me about "Senor Frogs", the in-house nightclub. We head there, and I buy a round for myself Dustin Greg and Larry - $51!!! 100 feet away free, here equal to tourney buyin. Oh well. The club\s actually cool and there are TONNES of people around for the long weekend. We're all on a high and out of nowhere (as far as i knew that is) Dustin displays his mastery of the dance floor. People are turning and watching him. Awesome and we meet "French Canada" - cute blonde down with her mom, and party with them a bit.
Sadly even in Vegas the crowd must thin out and we are leaving señor frogs about 3:30-4:00 (best estimate) for our hotel room. Of course this means waking whoever tried to sleep with excitement and elbow drops. But energy slowly fades and sleep overtakes.......
Well, 5 of us at least….
After a quick, floor-based face down power nap of about 4 mins I decide poker is good to me tonight and the Venetian runs Omaha! Off I go! Sadly it's one table running of NLHE. Head back to TI and decide to play the 1-3 there. The female dealer Jess from the earlier tourney is working, and is fun to banter with. She is the new love of my life when she continues to trash talk me after I tip her $10 for a big pot. Not a huge run but I am up about three hundred ($500 buyin) when I run my flush into higher flush dropping profit to about $120 or so. I realize it’s 7am and head back upstairs to sleep.
Well.. .that’s what I had thought at least… do note that I had been up since 8:00 previous day
Seems they must pump caffeine into the rooms every morning at 7am here. Everyone is awake when I get there and are heading to the pool! Off we go! While there we meet Barb. Barb is the new love of my life. She’s a waitress working poolside, and has a bikini as a uniform. She was very talented. Since we’re all still on giddy vegas winning rungood, we think that drinks poolside is a good idea. They come in these souvenir plastic crappy glasses with a straw, and you can drink and swim. They are $18 a pop. We basically bought enough of those that they gave us a cabana without charge to eat breakfast in. This was the $350 brekkie, just drinks and food, we all found it pretty fucking funny in that “god dammit we’re fucking idiots” kinda way.
Anyways, pools are fun, scenery is good, but the Wynn has a $225 10k guarantee that Zithal wants to play. I’m up, so I’m in, and so does degen Larry. Now I was up at the room changing, and Rob headed over, Larry finds me, and to make it on time, we have to run. In Las Vegas heat, in August, we are running around the strip. Larry doesn’t seem to believe me when I tell him about “late registration”. Anyways, arrive just in time and sign in, there’s a $100 add-on for chips, so I plop that down too. I never get anything going in this tournament. I have AK early and lose to a Q-T come-along, and just slow decline. I’m enjoying myself though, the massage girl looks like Eliza Dushku and I gladly pay her to touch me repeatedly (note, this is the casino in-house girl, not the ones on the cards outside). There’s a player at our table who is just stunningly bad, a guy to my left who is swearing EVERY hand he doesn’t like, and the dude on my right who orders a burger and sends it back three separate times because they got it wrong (I ordered a cheeseburger and there isn’t any cheese / I think she just added cheese and didn’t melt it on there / I asked for medium rare, and this is clearly now well done). Bit of a dick, but hey, I’m not the cook. Anyways old swearing guy and burger boy are making fun of the terribly bad player’s play amongst ourselves (called a 3-bet for 10xBB with Q4o). Fate comes to slap us around a bit however, as burger boy looks plast my shoulder and moans “Oh god, and she plays poker too”. A stunning brunette is talking to the cashier, and enters the poker room. She proceeds to walk directly to the terribad player, hug and kiss him and start talking. All three of us say something to the effect of “Oh come on, this is bullshit”.
I’m stunned at some of the play that Zithal is also reporting, we agree the field seemed tougher in the previous night’s tournament. This of course means none of us make it much past break, and Larry disappeared back to the hotel while Rob and I were cashing out his cash game money he played. As Rob and I make our way back, our mood is still great, drinks haven’t quite stopped, and as we enter our elevator area (side note: We had to have a key to even access the floor we were on), this girl at the end of the hall is sitting on the bench. We jovially say hey, what’s up kinda stuff, and it quickly devolves into our mentioning it’s Zithal’s stag, and she pokes fun at us for it. Essentially as we’re waiting on the elevator, we shit talk one another, and then she agrees to come up to the room for drinks. I tell her the one condition is that I never know what her name is. She finds out we’re from Ontario, and she tells us she is too - Ontario California. We christen her “Ontario” as we enter the room everyone is there and we all drink and make fun of one another. At one point, I challenge Ontario to a mental game I never lose, and VERY CLEARLY spell out the rules, she blows the game early, and I win. The penalty was to run down the hallways naked. She says that I have to too, and I most certainly do not. She manages to turn it around on me, and goes to the hall, dropping her pants, timed perfectly as our neighbour comes from his room and basically sees this girl “presenting”. We continue drinks and mocking, but then some of the degens want to go back to chicken and ribs place, leaving me and the Zithal brothers. Rob has had a lot of beer, and there may be a story of his downfall…. Greg, Ontario and I have a few more drinks, but I decide I need to try that Omaha again, so off to Venetian again about 90 minutes after the others left.
It’s likely 8:30-9:00 now, and I figure the room should be busy. As I enter Venetian, the other degens are coming up the escalator. They spent the entire time looking for Ellis Island, and could not figure out how to get there, so grabbed food elsewhere and were heading back to the room for drinks…. this seems to be a good idea to me at the time (umm, notice it’s been 36 hours without significant sleep?) and I turn around. As we go, Ontario walks past high fives us, and we never see her again. She did however leave beads, glasses, and two packs of smokes in the room…
Speaking of the room, Zithal’s unconscious, and Greg’s napping (IIRC). We have drinks and Greg wakes. The guys want to play the tourney again tonight, and I go along, but Zithal cannot muster himself. We register and play again, but with less luck this time, only one of the crew make the money with myself getting 5th place for $140…. which seems like just a good enough reason to go play some blackjack outside of “Gilley’s”, which is a western-themed in house club with some tables out front. Now at these tables, there are pretty girls in assless chaps and a bikini, and sometimes a cowboy hat (a weakness of mine.. makes women 25% hotter - I did the math). I feared my seat-selecting run good had worn off as we sit in front of a little cutie, and immediately she goes on break and is replaced by “Eric”. As you can imagine, this is a downgrade… Or is it! Eric’s as bad as John from the Chicken and Rib place, and I win about $45 at this table before someone suggests back to Senor Frogs! Dustin still kills the dance floor, but we’re smart enough not to buy drinks here. I go out and “play slots” until I get a couple drinks from the same waitress from the poker room (I’ve been liberally tipping, so she’s memorized my drink and is quick). Senor frogs is a good time, and we head back upstairs late into the evening. One of our crew stayed later than the others, and apparently upon returning to the room, a bachelorette party from across the hall said hi, and drinks were had there too. I finally lay down to sleep at 3:30am on Saturday night since being up Friday morning (46 hours including the time change). I wake up, on my own, without alarm or asshole at 7:30am. Are you fucking kidding me…. Can’t go back to sleep, so downstairs to breakfast.
:
Aarrgghh, para-giraffes please! I had to buy new eyeglasses after trying to read this.
I just realized I have a timeline wrong. It was during the second run at the tournament that I proposed to Jess the dealer. I told her however that my heart had also been captured by Barb from the pool, so we'd have to work out some kind of sister-wife thing.... I told her that I'd buy the ring with my winnings that night, and she said "Well, I hope you bust early!". I made the money, but it wasn't enough to win her heart. Also, this is the first time I've seen a dealer yell "Yes" and fist pump when I busted out of a tourney (well, in a casino at least).
So, breakfast on Sunday is much more subdued. We are looking haggard as the wear of travel, time, and tequila hits us. None of us are feeling "A-game", with a range of B at the best (myself about a B-), and a solid F for some. The breakfasts are helping, but I stomach no more than half of it. The pool is much better however, cooling us off and letting us work out some of the booze. Since we were fairly rough, we spend a good few hours in the pool, and there's this one woman who seems to be doing circuits of the pool swimming around the edges (it's a shallow pool, no deep end, and not a standard shape, kinda like a shamrock or the club on a card perhaps if you were to look down on it). Anyways, whenever she comes near us, and we're in a group, she swims right through us, making eye contact, and not saying a word. This woman is freaking me out! lol
Our friend Barb is there again, and sympathetic to our plight. She tells us that her friends are all getting together and getting a party bus to head over to Larry Flynt's hustler club, and we should all come along. Precisely none of us believe her, but I for one forgive the poor girl just struggling to make a living... she also explains why there is sometimes this weird sewage smell. I guess Vegas has a hilariously poor sewage system, and much more rain than a drizzle up here will cause flooding. It rained for maybe a quick 15 minutes while we were there total, so no floods, but the occasional unfortunate whiff.
Since none of us are feeling great, it's going to be a low-key, touristy crap kinda day. Zithal finds a sandwich shop that is supposed to be good, and we head over to Planet Hollywood. It is the hottest goddamn day I've ever experienced in my life, and I feel disgusting! My shirt soaks my entire back through with sweat, and I can only imagine it looks like that "U" of sweat 48 year old overweight men get at the gym. We get to the sandwich shop (eventually - GPS on your phone is almost useless on the strip by the way), and it's packed! We do lunch at a cowboy themed bar where the best part is that the person running the mechanical bull knows how to strategically work it when the right gal goes on. After lunch, we head to the Pinball Hall of Fame - sometime I myself and pretty excited by.
The place is essentially a big room with row upon row of pinball machines, and some old-timey arcade games. Many of the machines have a story to them about how many were made, and when. I'll post a pic of Zithal playing one that only 2 were ever made, and tried to take pinball from a table-style to arcade box style of play. It was very cool though, and nice to reminisce.
Anyways, since we are all feeling at least a B by this point, we head back to the hotel and someone (Larry) suggests we play some craps. Several of us point out that we have NO idea how to play, and Larry assures us he can show us. We find an empty table for some lessons, and it quickly becomes apparent from the several "Umm.. not really sure what that one's for" and "Well, you have to do this, but only after something happens first... I think", that Larry may have misrepresented his expertise. So, like any responsible degens, we play anyways. I lose my first forty odd, and decide there must be an app to teach you craps and go up to retrieve my phone. Zithal arrives and pulls up some youtube vids, and I decide next time, I will use the "IRON CROSS" strategy.
Zithal wanted to hit a place he heard had good beer called "Public House" so we had to head over through Venetian, but this ended up being a mistake. The TI pirate show had started and there was a mass of humanity watching this terrible production. There was a roped off area to go through, but it only got you so far before hitting a wall. At this point, I'm surrounded by tourists, all sweating, our friends, and suddenly... Buddhist monks in full on orange robes / white sash and shaved heads. I don't know why but this really stuck with me as to just how absurd this town can be. The Public house is alright, if pricey, but American's clearly have NO idea what poutine is (Fries, cheese curds, duck, something that looked like soya sauce, and a fried egg).
We head back down and check out Gilley's Mechanical bull bikini contest, which is devastatingly less impressive than it sounds. It's getting late (I'm sure there's something in here I'm missing, but I can't remember what), so we decide to just have drinks upstairs and hit the hay.
Again, we're up by 7:30. I hate that... The final day's posting will be coming soon.
I happen to be really disappointed....I read through two A grade trip reports, feeling empathy and a sense of nostalgia at highjinks shared by our heroes. But then it all falls apart like the BS house of cards that is obviously is. You had me until the fatal flaw. "terrible production"!?!?!?!?!?! The TI Pirate show is nothing short of a wondrous, family and pervert friendly ode to the magic of bad costumes and smelly crowds. I say good-day to you sir!
(and I'm pretty sure I saw that pinball machine behind the unopened popcorn maker in Zithal's basement! BUSTED)
I happen to be really disappointed....I read through two A grade trip reports, feeling empathy and a sense of nostalgia at highjinks shared by our heroes. But then it all falls apart like the BS house of cards that is obviously is. You had me until the fatal flaw. "terrible production"!?!?!?!?!?! The TI Pirate show is nothing short of a wondrous, family and pervert friendly ode to the magic of bad costumes and smelly crowds. I say good-day to you sir!
(and I'm pretty sure I saw that pinball machine behind the unopened popcorn maker in Zithal's basement! BUSTED)
Lol... Seriously? "Captain Mack"? and how there's too much heat? Or that he's spent his load on trying to finish?
Terribad. Lol... though it was moderately entertaining when a short ass Jersey gal got all pissy yelling at the crowd things like "Let us out before y'all come in assholes" and the family that came through yelling "Please, we have children", and I should point out the line went, Dad, kid, kid, kid, and mom pushing a fucking stroller!! Perhaps, at some point, they should have realized that a throng of goddamn drunks are not going to respect their requests.
Seriously, Vegas should ban anyone < 21 years old.
Lol... Seriously? "Captain Mack"? and how there's too much heat? Or that he's spent his load on trying to finish?
Terribad. Lol... though it was moderately entertaining when a short ass Jersey gal got all pissy yelling at the crowd things like "Let us out before y'all come in assholes" and the family that came through yelling "Please, we have children", and I should point out the line went, Dad, kid, kid, kid, and mom pushing a fucking stroller!! Perhaps, at some point, they should have realized that a throng of goddamn drunks are not going to respect their requests.
Seriously, Vegas should ban anyone < 21 years old.
Mark
lol hilarious, some people are just too stupid for life. I agree as well, why on earth they have their kids out at night in a huge group of people/drunks is mind boggling.
lol hilarious, some people are just too stupid for life. I agree as well, why on earth they have their kids out at night in a huge group of people/drunks is mind boggling.
Comments
But still in Windsor - soon
Mark
That is a HUGE assumption you are making . . .
Arrests: 0, witnessed: 1
Marriage proposals: 1
Anonymous partially nude girls brought to room in drunken stupor : 1
Party members lost only to have to cab back from another casino : 1
Oddest type of person encountered: Buddhist monks watching a hot pants and push up bra pirate show
Party members up overall: 4/6
Alcohol consumed: don't judge our lifestyle
Pre-game show, Thursday August 29:
Zithal is driving, collects myself, and fellow degens Dustin and Larry before travelling to Windsor to crash at brother Greg's house. Greg has a pinball table so we drink and make prop bets on our skillz. Sleep comes around midnight for our eight a.m. wake up.
Prop bets at the airport about who gets the worst seat on the plane, first luggage retrieved etc. couple early morning airport drinks and we are in the air. First run good for me happens - the "full flight" has one missing passenger and he was next to me. Ahh comfort.
Game on: Friday August 30, 1pm Vegas time:
Degenerate efficiency mode engages as half the crew go to register at the hotel while the other half takes drink orders to purchase off site (cheaper). I was in the latter of these groups with Dustin and Jay (another degen who joined us at the airport from Boston - friend of Zithal). We buy drinks, mix, chips, bread and peanut butter in case we don't want to eat out every meal (-$172, 2x60oz spiced rum, 26er tequila, 60oz whiskey, various beers). Back to the cab who regales us with tales of Ron Jeremy being a passenger and a "girl getting nailed by two guys back there". My seat selection rungood holds as I was in the front. We arrive at treasure island and go to our adjoining twin queens upgraded room (score Zithal!).
Drinks are had, excitement abound and our first stop is a roulette table where Larry has informed us that he plans to take his $400 and put it on red. We fire over to Venetian and collectively hold our breath. Larry sweats.... Bounce bounce bounce............... 23 RED!!!!! High fives and man love abound, we're off to Ellis island for the chicken and ribs deal ($12 for more food in an hour than I had in the remainder of the trip). Before seating we play some blackjack and the dealer can not withstand our manly rungood. Zithal has his hair looking dapper, Larry is flush with victory, Dustin calculating with a fierce determination to beat Vegas down, and Greg and myself at that point on a bender when our energy and charm is peaking. Dealer loses easily 4/5 hands and all who played are up about 20-30 bucks.
Dinner was awesome, really good to get if you can get there (more on that later). But now it's about 7pm and its back to TI for the pokers. They run a $55 tourney three times nightly and it's structure would make Blondefish lecture us about take %, patience factor, and why we should be at Woodbine. Now out of our crew Zithal and I are the only poker players of any regularity. Everyone played however, and two of us made it heads up!! I don't really remember any exciting hands here as it became more a steal blinds tourney, but Greg and myself luck into heads up. We can only assume because of the sheer quantity of alcohol consumed. We chop the tourney to end it and both take home $565! Pretty solid start, especially when Zithal had gone to the cash game, but that's his story. The other degens were around the casino gambling and drinking, and Dustin came told me about "Senor Frogs", the in-house nightclub. We head there, and I buy a round for myself Dustin Greg and Larry - $51!!! 100 feet away free, here equal to tourney buyin. Oh well. The club\s actually cool and there are TONNES of people around for the long weekend. We're all on a high and out of nowhere (as far as i knew that is) Dustin displays his mastery of the dance floor. People are turning and watching him. Awesome and we meet "French Canada" - cute blonde down with her mom, and party with them a bit.
Sadly even in Vegas the crowd must thin out and we are leaving señor frogs about 3:30-4:00 (best estimate) for our hotel room. Of course this means waking whoever tried to sleep with excitement and elbow drops. But energy slowly fades and sleep overtakes.......
Well, 5 of us at least….
After a quick, floor-based face down power nap of about 4 mins I decide poker is good to me tonight and the Venetian runs Omaha! Off I go! Sadly it's one table running of NLHE. Head back to TI and decide to play the 1-3 there. The female dealer Jess from the earlier tourney is working, and is fun to banter with. She is the new love of my life when she continues to trash talk me after I tip her $10 for a big pot. Not a huge run but I am up about three hundred ($500 buyin) when I run my flush into higher flush dropping profit to about $120 or so. I realize it’s 7am and head back upstairs to sleep.
Well.. .that’s what I had thought at least… do note that I had been up since 8:00 previous day
Seems they must pump caffeine into the rooms every morning at 7am here. Everyone is awake when I get there and are heading to the pool! Off we go! While there we meet Barb. Barb is the new love of my life. She’s a waitress working poolside, and has a bikini as a uniform. She was very talented. Since we’re all still on giddy vegas winning rungood, we think that drinks poolside is a good idea. They come in these souvenir plastic crappy glasses with a straw, and you can drink and swim. They are $18 a pop. We basically bought enough of those that they gave us a cabana without charge to eat breakfast in. This was the $350 brekkie, just drinks and food, we all found it pretty fucking funny in that “god dammit we’re fucking idiots” kinda way.
Anyways, pools are fun, scenery is good, but the Wynn has a $225 10k guarantee that Zithal wants to play. I’m up, so I’m in, and so does degen Larry. Now I was up at the room changing, and Rob headed over, Larry finds me, and to make it on time, we have to run. In Las Vegas heat, in August, we are running around the strip. Larry doesn’t seem to believe me when I tell him about “late registration”. Anyways, arrive just in time and sign in, there’s a $100 add-on for chips, so I plop that down too. I never get anything going in this tournament. I have AK early and lose to a Q-T come-along, and just slow decline. I’m enjoying myself though, the massage girl looks like Eliza Dushku and I gladly pay her to touch me repeatedly (note, this is the casino in-house girl, not the ones on the cards outside). There’s a player at our table who is just stunningly bad, a guy to my left who is swearing EVERY hand he doesn’t like, and the dude on my right who orders a burger and sends it back three separate times because they got it wrong (I ordered a cheeseburger and there isn’t any cheese / I think she just added cheese and didn’t melt it on there / I asked for medium rare, and this is clearly now well done). Bit of a dick, but hey, I’m not the cook. Anyways old swearing guy and burger boy are making fun of the terribly bad player’s play amongst ourselves (called a 3-bet for 10xBB with Q4o). Fate comes to slap us around a bit however, as burger boy looks plast my shoulder and moans “Oh god, and she plays poker too”. A stunning brunette is talking to the cashier, and enters the poker room. She proceeds to walk directly to the terribad player, hug and kiss him and start talking. All three of us say something to the effect of “Oh come on, this is bullshit”.
I’m stunned at some of the play that Zithal is also reporting, we agree the field seemed tougher in the previous night’s tournament. This of course means none of us make it much past break, and Larry disappeared back to the hotel while Rob and I were cashing out his cash game money he played. As Rob and I make our way back, our mood is still great, drinks haven’t quite stopped, and as we enter our elevator area (side note: We had to have a key to even access the floor we were on), this girl at the end of the hall is sitting on the bench. We jovially say hey, what’s up kinda stuff, and it quickly devolves into our mentioning it’s Zithal’s stag, and she pokes fun at us for it. Essentially as we’re waiting on the elevator, we shit talk one another, and then she agrees to come up to the room for drinks. I tell her the one condition is that I never know what her name is. She finds out we’re from Ontario, and she tells us she is too - Ontario California. We christen her “Ontario” as we enter the room everyone is there and we all drink and make fun of one another. At one point, I challenge Ontario to a mental game I never lose, and VERY CLEARLY spell out the rules, she blows the game early, and I win. The penalty was to run down the hallways naked. She says that I have to too, and I most certainly do not. She manages to turn it around on me, and goes to the hall, dropping her pants, timed perfectly as our neighbour comes from his room and basically sees this girl “presenting”. We continue drinks and mocking, but then some of the degens want to go back to chicken and ribs place, leaving me and the Zithal brothers. Rob has had a lot of beer, and there may be a story of his downfall…. Greg, Ontario and I have a few more drinks, but I decide I need to try that Omaha again, so off to Venetian again about 90 minutes after the others left.
It’s likely 8:30-9:00 now, and I figure the room should be busy. As I enter Venetian, the other degens are coming up the escalator. They spent the entire time looking for Ellis Island, and could not figure out how to get there, so grabbed food elsewhere and were heading back to the room for drinks…. this seems to be a good idea to me at the time (umm, notice it’s been 36 hours without significant sleep?) and I turn around. As we go, Ontario walks past high fives us, and we never see her again. She did however leave beads, glasses, and two packs of smokes in the room…
Speaking of the room, Zithal’s unconscious, and Greg’s napping (IIRC). We have drinks and Greg wakes. The guys want to play the tourney again tonight, and I go along, but Zithal cannot muster himself. We register and play again, but with less luck this time, only one of the crew make the money with myself getting 5th place for $140…. which seems like just a good enough reason to go play some blackjack outside of “Gilley’s”, which is a western-themed in house club with some tables out front. Now at these tables, there are pretty girls in assless chaps and a bikini, and sometimes a cowboy hat (a weakness of mine.. makes women 25% hotter - I did the math). I feared my seat-selecting run good had worn off as we sit in front of a little cutie, and immediately she goes on break and is replaced by “Eric”. As you can imagine, this is a downgrade… Or is it! Eric’s as bad as John from the Chicken and Rib place, and I win about $45 at this table before someone suggests back to Senor Frogs! Dustin still kills the dance floor, but we’re smart enough not to buy drinks here. I go out and “play slots” until I get a couple drinks from the same waitress from the poker room (I’ve been liberally tipping, so she’s memorized my drink and is quick). Senor frogs is a good time, and we head back upstairs late into the evening. One of our crew stayed later than the others, and apparently upon returning to the room, a bachelorette party from across the hall said hi, and drinks were had there too. I finally lay down to sleep at 3:30am on Saturday night since being up Friday morning (46 hours including the time change). I wake up, on my own, without alarm or asshole at 7:30am. Are you fucking kidding me…. Can’t go back to sleep, so downstairs to breakfast.
End of Part 1 because I am tired. I may also have to consult others for reconstruction of the events - for accuracy’s sake. It is safe to say at this point, there is likely only one person in the group who is “down”, but it’s not much. Tune in next time for tales of bad crap lessons, why Vegas smells like sewage, creepy swimmers, Buddhist monks, planning decisions, and my marriage proposal.
Mark
You're lucky I'm 4 provinces away and can't smack you from here.
Good TR so far. Eagerly waiting for the continuation.........
I don't believe he ever referred to her as hot
My bad.. most of this typed on Google Drive on my phone during travel home.
Mark
I just realized I have a timeline wrong. It was during the second run at the tournament that I proposed to Jess the dealer. I told her however that my heart had also been captured by Barb from the pool, so we'd have to work out some kind of sister-wife thing.... I told her that I'd buy the ring with my winnings that night, and she said "Well, I hope you bust early!". I made the money, but it wasn't enough to win her heart. Also, this is the first time I've seen a dealer yell "Yes" and fist pump when I busted out of a tourney (well, in a casino at least).
So, breakfast on Sunday is much more subdued. We are looking haggard as the wear of travel, time, and tequila hits us. None of us are feeling "A-game", with a range of B at the best (myself about a B-), and a solid F for some. The breakfasts are helping, but I stomach no more than half of it. The pool is much better however, cooling us off and letting us work out some of the booze. Since we were fairly rough, we spend a good few hours in the pool, and there's this one woman who seems to be doing circuits of the pool swimming around the edges (it's a shallow pool, no deep end, and not a standard shape, kinda like a shamrock or the club on a card perhaps if you were to look down on it). Anyways, whenever she comes near us, and we're in a group, she swims right through us, making eye contact, and not saying a word. This woman is freaking me out! lol
Our friend Barb is there again, and sympathetic to our plight. She tells us that her friends are all getting together and getting a party bus to head over to Larry Flynt's hustler club, and we should all come along. Precisely none of us believe her, but I for one forgive the poor girl just struggling to make a living... she also explains why there is sometimes this weird sewage smell. I guess Vegas has a hilariously poor sewage system, and much more rain than a drizzle up here will cause flooding. It rained for maybe a quick 15 minutes while we were there total, so no floods, but the occasional unfortunate whiff.
Since none of us are feeling great, it's going to be a low-key, touristy crap kinda day. Zithal finds a sandwich shop that is supposed to be good, and we head over to Planet Hollywood. It is the hottest goddamn day I've ever experienced in my life, and I feel disgusting! My shirt soaks my entire back through with sweat, and I can only imagine it looks like that "U" of sweat 48 year old overweight men get at the gym. We get to the sandwich shop (eventually - GPS on your phone is almost useless on the strip by the way), and it's packed! We do lunch at a cowboy themed bar where the best part is that the person running the mechanical bull knows how to strategically work it when the right gal goes on. After lunch, we head to the Pinball Hall of Fame - sometime I myself and pretty excited by.
The place is essentially a big room with row upon row of pinball machines, and some old-timey arcade games. Many of the machines have a story to them about how many were made, and when. I'll post a pic of Zithal playing one that only 2 were ever made, and tried to take pinball from a table-style to arcade box style of play. It was very cool though, and nice to reminisce.
Anyways, since we are all feeling at least a B by this point, we head back to the hotel and someone (Larry) suggests we play some craps. Several of us point out that we have NO idea how to play, and Larry assures us he can show us. We find an empty table for some lessons, and it quickly becomes apparent from the several "Umm.. not really sure what that one's for" and "Well, you have to do this, but only after something happens first... I think", that Larry may have misrepresented his expertise. So, like any responsible degens, we play anyways. I lose my first forty odd, and decide there must be an app to teach you craps and go up to retrieve my phone. Zithal arrives and pulls up some youtube vids, and I decide next time, I will use the "IRON CROSS" strategy.
Zithal wanted to hit a place he heard had good beer called "Public House" so we had to head over through Venetian, but this ended up being a mistake. The TI pirate show had started and there was a mass of humanity watching this terrible production. There was a roped off area to go through, but it only got you so far before hitting a wall. At this point, I'm surrounded by tourists, all sweating, our friends, and suddenly... Buddhist monks in full on orange robes / white sash and shaved heads. I don't know why but this really stuck with me as to just how absurd this town can be. The Public house is alright, if pricey, but American's clearly have NO idea what poutine is (Fries, cheese curds, duck, something that looked like soya sauce, and a fried egg).
We head back down and check out Gilley's Mechanical bull bikini contest, which is devastatingly less impressive than it sounds. It's getting late (I'm sure there's something in here I'm missing, but I can't remember what), so we decide to just have drinks upstairs and hit the hay.
Again, we're up by 7:30. I hate that... The final day's posting will be coming soon.
(and I'm pretty sure I saw that pinball machine behind the unopened popcorn maker in Zithal's basement! BUSTED)
Lol... Seriously? "Captain Mack"? and how there's too much heat? Or that he's spent his load on trying to finish?
Terribad. Lol... though it was moderately entertaining when a short ass Jersey gal got all pissy yelling at the crowd things like "Let us out before y'all come in assholes" and the family that came through yelling "Please, we have children", and I should point out the line went, Dad, kid, kid, kid, and mom pushing a fucking stroller!! Perhaps, at some point, they should have realized that a throng of goddamn drunks are not going to respect their requests.
Seriously, Vegas should ban anyone < 21 years old.
Mark
lol hilarious, some people are just too stupid for life. I agree as well, why on earth they have their kids out at night in a huge group of people/drunks is mind boggling.
Someone has to drive . . .