Sure if I were signle I would date a porn star. Some relationships can be just for sport. Of course if she wanted something more serious I wouldn't lead her on I'd let her know I wasn't looking for the same. I don't think I could fully connect spiritually with someone doing that for a living. As long as both partners are honest and don't want something serious there is nothing wrong with that.
Of course the relationship wouldn't last long anyway with my averaged sized memeber... when she's eating steak all day it would be tough to come home and pretend to like hamburger every night.
Kristy your rebelliousness, intelligence, honesty and fire probably is quite refreshing and attractive to these guys who have had enough with Martha Stewart. If you were to be more dull, boring and complacent perhaps you would get less rebound attention . But don't blame just the guys... just as often it's the ladies getting some on the side... looking for Joe Firefighter for some no talk caveman sex. I for one have never cheated on a girlfriend yet have had 3 not return the favour (that I know of).
"What's the point? Where's your motivation to lead this stupid boring life? I sincerely want to understand this, I'm sure I've been put in the date but not marry category at least once or twice."
Well not seeing the value in 'this stupid boring life' as you see it certainly hurts your chances of getting into the marry category for some people. I do see the value. There is nothing in this life greater for me then spending some time with the family doing nothing... just enjoying eachothers company. I love it. And when you find a few people on the block in the same boat it's great to have a BBQ and shoot this shit while the kids play together.
I don't think my life is boring. Sure I trade some adrenalin for spiritual bliss but I personally like that trade. I don't run out every chance I get to see you or Candi . I have only ever been inside 4 strip clubs in my life. Sure I also need some time to myself from time to time but I usually turn to my motorcycle for that. I do really enjoy poker so I play it from time to time since there is still a 'me' in our relationship. My wife and I have been together 16 years and married 11.... but we have never been closer. Shoot... guess who was with me on my first trip to a strip club.... she was.
But that life I enjoy isn't for everyone. We all value and enjoy different things. I am not going to try and convert anyone to my way of thinking but I am entitled to follow the path of my choice.
But getting married is a crap shoot. You have to find someone who shares most of the values you have in life. You have to find someone you can physically and spiritually connect with. You have to find someone who fullfills your needs. That's the easy part.
But that's not enough... not by a long shot. You have to get lucky! People grow through life... they change. For the marriage to work you have to grow together in the same general direction. You have to meet the above conditions throughout all of the indiviudal changes. That's the tough part. The actual cheating is the symptom not the disease... by that time something is already broken. You have to work at the relationship all the time... but in the end a big component is luck. If you grow in different directions you will split. I beleive the biggest contributers to failing marriages in our society are our growing societal selfishness, lack of continued effort and just plain old luck.
But it can work. For the right person I still think it's worth getting all your chips in on a race. For me the pot is worth it.
Your post is a combination of adorable AND well reasoned...there's very little to take exception with ....but in my long standing tradition of being a shit-disturber, I do object to a couple points.
(ps. I typed this on my first coffee...I'll need to come back and clarify I'm sure.)
I don't think I could fully connect spiritually with someone doing that for a living.
Connection is not physical.
I think I could generally take anyone and demonstrate how, logically they are as much/more of a 'whore' than Candi.
To give you an example,
a stripper gets paid to be seen and touched a little...a writer sells an intricate piece of themselves and their imagination and thought, they sell what has generally been their all-consuming passion for several months or years.
you look ON a stripper, a writer sells you herself in a way that she never gets back and is much more personal part of 'being' IMO.
so on the whore scale: writer>stripper
Factory work: There is a strong parallel. Candi and Frank from the weld shop both sell the ability of their bodies, doing relatively mindless work for profit...
Whore scale: factory worker = stripper/porn star
and so on.
The fact that some uptight schmuck a bajillion years ago assigned a greater value to organizing thought on paper and producing for business than fucking/sexuality is only affecting modern perception...but logic is greater than that- and the Whore-scale an absolute way to equalize puritanical mindsets and objectively compare.
Cole's notes:
One cannot thrive without selling some piece of themselves. A strong back, an over-active imagination, or a sweet ass and grace.
Interesting point of view with a lot of merrit. I am certainly not judging the porn star or stripper for what they choose to do. I am just saying that I personally would have an issue with it. I am sure it is some limitation of my own but that's where I stand currently anyway.
Unfortunately we are emotional creatures. I am not going to get jealous of my wife whoring her writing skills to millions of people but I am going to get jealous of my wife picking her teeth with someone else's meat toothbrush . I can't fully explain why or justify it morally though at the moment.
Damn it you made me think Kristy! This will probably bug me for a while now.
I guess at the root of it one of my needs is to have the physical and spiritual connection I have with my spouse unique... something above all of our other connections with other people. If she was as close or closer spiritually to another guy I would probably have an issue with that. If she was physically as close or closer to another guy (i.e. porn star) I would have an issue with that as well. I think this strengthens the bond and helps keep the trust and jealousy issues at bay.
Want to explain? I was very specific in the scenario by using the words "as close or closer".
They are at bay I believe. I am posturing that they might not be if I thought she was closer to someone else physically or spiritually then she is to me or if I were to another girl. I doubt you can have a successful and fulfilling monogamous relationship with someone who loves someone else more.
For instance, she sleeps with me. If she was sleeping with another guy too I think it's fair to say jealousy and trust would come into play. Seems pretty simple to me.
I am not saying she can't have other friends or have any other close relationships. Lol, you cage a bird and he'll/she'll fly away at the first opportunity.
your jealousy and trust issues are ONLY 'appeased'
this standard is one of suppression of (possible) desire and has an over all negative balance where the ideal is to NOT be a drone and to seek fulfillment where it is possible. (and I'm talking spiritual as well as physical here)
You're allowing your feelings of jealousy and inadequacy to dictate your actions, instead of dealing with and eliminating these negative emotions. Which, imo, is a healthier choice.
So I should encourage my wife to sleep around? I should encourage her to go out and find another guy she would rather spend more time with then me?
Yes there is some supression of natural urges but there is also gain through doing so. There's a trade taking place. We do this all through our lives in so many ways. I would love to just choose do what I feel like every day rather then go to work but then I would have to consider the consequences of that choice and live without all the gains that working brings me.
I would love to just piss the bed in the morning rather then get out of it and use the toilette. Getting up makes me a drone by your definition where I see it more as a willful trade. Yes I have to supress the natural urge to stay in the warm bed but I also now don't have to wash the sheets and buy a plastic matress cover (or is someone else suppose to do that for me?). To me that's a fair trade.
You can't avoid causality or cost in this world. The best you can do is make choices you understand and are comfortable with. You do have to consider the cost when trying to decide where that balance is going to end up.
I beleive I am comfortable supressing my natural urge to sleep with other women... what I gain is worth it to me. But chacon son gout.
"You should encourage your wife to be happy, and be happy yourself. Whatever that means."
I agree 100%. That's something we've been working on all these years. It sure helps you grow together. Our individual self confidence levels have also increased over these years. We are both happier as indiviudals and together then we have ever been.
"You sound like you might not be, if it is jealousy and feelings of inadequacy that spur you on most."
I am trying to find out how I conveyed that. I don't beleive that to be the case. I think I just pointed out some instances where they will naturally likely show up in most people.
I think I also tried to point out that it's important to know where your partners boundaries are when making decisions and estimating cost in some of your decisions. If you know your parter would be jealous and upset if you probed her sisters darkest regions well... it's worth considering the cost .
I'm sorry, you're right...my post came off as being directed at you specifically. Rather than the hypothetical extension of you, presented with this comment.
If she was as close or closer spiritually to another guy I would probably have an issue with that. If she was physically as close or closer to another guy (i.e. porn star) I would have an issue with that as well. I think this strengthens the bond and helps keep the trust and jealousy issues at bay.
but in discussing the point try to see that 'you' and 'your' are general and directed to the potential person that you presented. (and his potential, and common, issues)
Cool. Thanks for the discussion I love getting different takes on things like this. Sorry if I tend to get too into it sometimes and not being a whore of writing skills things I mean can come out wrong.
Well I better choose to get back to work or faces the consequences....
This whole question of the date vs. marry debate is as old as the hills.
As a male I am genetically pre-dis positioned to get my seed out into the world. I want to procreate and I will constantly be on the lookout for opportunities to do so.
This genetic programing makes me lust for beautiful women who ooze sexuality. Their slutty clothes tell me all I need to know. They have large breasts (for feeding my spawn), a nice waist to hip ratio (for carrying my seed) and attractive faces (that will mix nicely with my DNA) to give my children beauty. Note: my urge to shoot my DNA directly ON their attractive faces is purely a learned response.
But, it must be said that these hot, vixens who ooze their sexuality make a poor choice in a mate. They will constantly be pursued by other men and as they flaunt their sexuality I will never be sure that those children are mine. Does she have a back-door man? Sure, I would realize the issue immediately it if the baby looked like Ice-Cube or Scotty Nguyen, but it could easily be a dark haired Caucasian child and still not be the fruit of my loins.
That is why I want the Martha Stewart type for my wife. She will smile and nod, be SUPER MOM to my kids. She will be so incredibly fulfilled to cook 9 course meals on Tuesday night for supper then run for my pipe and my newspaper. As a matter of fact, she will be so busy spending her days and nights building our nest that I will be have no doubts on those bi-monthly pump and squirt sessions that I am the only man she has been able to summon the energy for.
It is only then that I can finally feel the contentment of my wedded bliss as I reach middle age. Of course I will be a little rounder then and have less hair but my at least my libido will have shifted into a lower gear. I will no longer pine for the tattooed bohemian girl who works weeknights at the rub n tug. I won't miss her unshorn armpits or her patchouli stink. I will be happy.
Of course my Martha Stewart will not be happy. She will often find herself wondering what the hell is going on. Why did she get sold this 'bill of goods'? There is no joy in being Marthat Stewart. Who wants to cook and clean and plan all day? Why did she get handed umpteen rubberized babies, a vacuum cleaner, and a pretend kitchenette before she was 3 years old? Who taught her that domesticity was the path to happiness? Why did she push to get married, push to buy the big house, push to have kids? She got everything she ever wanted only to find out that it sucks. She wanted the kids and now SHE has to feed them and wipe their ass. The big house needs a ton of cleaning and the guy she married wants to have sex with her at least once for every solstice AND equinox...
I think Martha is going to start looking for a different spot to build a nest...
Or, in the post Madonna/Jolie era, she goes to Africa, Laos, or some other 3rd world hell-hole, adopts a kid and raises them to be like you?
Some interesting discussion to bring this thread back to life. I will stick with my "Katy Couric", though. She may not set a table like Martha, or fuck like a Vivid-girl, but she makes me happy in most rooms of our home, and is helping me develop the most important thing in my life. I have had friends of longer standing from both genders, but she is the only one who is truly a partner in every aspect of my life.
Y'all excuse me now while I go start another persona, so I can deny I wrote this . . .;)
You forgot the dining room and dungeon, er . . . basement. Meant to type basement.
Can't remember seeing a Vivid girl in the bedroom, though . . . and I do most of the cooking in our house, so maybe I'm Martha (\shudder\).
Jeez, Caddy, this IS getting messed up . . .
You are right, the BBQ you are talking about where you do it because you are suppose to is stupid. We fortunately are close friends with a couple people on the street so with them its a good time.
Nothing wasn't meant literally it was meant is it doesnthave to be anything.
I am married and I have two kids. I have been with my wife since I was 16. I am now 34. We married at 22.
Argument:
I take exception to anyone who generalizes any relationship. There is no way to say that I am a certain way due to the nature of a long relationship like I have. I don’t do BBQs because I generally hate most people and detest small talk. Which is why, if you know me, my poker table talk is usually stupid things in attempts to make people laugh. But my social awkwardness is not a topic of discussion.
I am very happy with my wife. There is no jealousy or distrust. If I say I am going out to play poker, then she knows where I am. If she goes out I don’t get bent out of shape about where she is going. We trust each other, plain and simple.
We do spend time apart but we don’t make sure that we do. We each have a part of our own life that the other doesn’t take part in. We are not forbidden to take part in it, we just don’t. She isn’t interested in poker or theatre. I don’t hang out with some of her friends.
If I do mention that I may go to a strip bar, which is not common, she makes sure I smell good. I don’t get lap dances or really get turned on by the dances (the wood doesn’t appear), I usually go with other people. I have no problem with strippers. They get paid. Good for them. I wouldn’t want my wife to do it, but that wouldn’t be my choice. However, I would not like it and it could break up the marriage.
I also don’t want a Martha Stewart wife either. I can cook. I can clean. She can mow the lawn. Who gives a crap? I am just not turned on by watching my wife get fucked or felt up by another guy.
As for dating or marrying a porn star…I wouldn’t do either. Now if Martha Stewart turned out to be a porn star……….
I take exception to anyone who generalizes any relationship.
***************************************** Scientific evidence that I am wrong:
(X) sample size is 3 or better
*****************************************
Well that's it then...time for me to pack it in.
Seriously, I'm truly glad that a couple of you love your wives, but if every married man on this forum testified to loving his Martha...
..you still wouldn't change my mind.
I notice that most of you are talking in specifics and personals instead of looking at 'what is right' and then seeking it out as a desired state of being.
Just because our desired state of being differs from your own desired state doesn't make ours flawed.
I'm not trying to change your mind. If you honestly think it, then who am I to say otherwise?
My point is simply that many people have their own view of what they want. No life is perfect. Anyone who says their life is perfect is either a fool or a liar.
To constantly look for a perfect life or the prefect relationship is pointless. You'll never find it. What you can do is find that person whom you connect with very well and build a relationship.
It's not for everyone. I don't deny that. Everyone is different.
I notice that most of you are talking in specifics and personals instead of looking at 'what is right' and then seeking it out as a desired state of being.
[/quote]
Not to speak for any of the others, but I have looked at, "what is right", and I have sought it out. I have been fortunate enough to find my version of "what is right". I truly hope you find yours . . .
As for changing your mind, I would gladly wager on the likelihood of that happening, regardless of topic or position, so long as I get to choose first . . .
Happy Thanksgiving to all. Soon as I go visit my Mom, I am looking forward to a lovely turkey dinner, after which I will do some dishes, drink some wine, and play some poker. A good day all around
I have been fortunate enough to find my version of "what is right". I truly hope you find yours . . .
b)
i. For the love of God...nobody is referring to a person(wife) for 'right'
ii. Understanding (i) means that you are saying that you have found definitive answers in life, and are finished mucking out even the grey areas.
How wonderful, you should found a church.
c) The second part of the quote, again, implies (since we can be reasonably sure that you WERE inferring your wife, missing the point, and are not about to kick it karresh-style) that I am somehow incomplete.
So, in the interest of heading off any more nonsense on that train I present the following.
In my life men are obsolete.
My Aunt used to tell me growing up that men are only good for three things:
1. Making babies if you want them
2. Moving your heavy shit
3. Pay Cheques
For everything else, you'd do better with a woman.
She's half right, as someone who needs none of the above three, I am happily single. I'm doubtful that a person exists who could 'complete' me...and only slightly less doubtful that a person exists that I would WANT to deal with every day. I've got enough laundry, no ambition to eat when someone else is hungry, no need to replace my friends for intellectual stimulation and the number of a good mover...if my couch placement starts to piss me off.
The only reason most of you enjoy the lifestyle you do is out of at least one parties deep insecurities or sense of obligation.
I feel fortunate to realize that real peace and happiness supercedes gender and the antiquated sex-love correlations that most of you are so desperately clinging to.
Being married with two kids, is almost always just another 'Keeping up with the Joneses'
Coles Notes is, then, that you HAVE found yours. Good. I am happy for you. But, please, do not think that this means that your version of "happy" is the correct one, or that my version is not (which IS the way you come across). It also does not mean that other person's versions of "happy" are incorrect, either. As in most poker questions, "it depends".
So go on with your happy existence, as I will with mine, and others will with theirs. You will not change my mind, as I will not change yours. Peace, love, Teddy Bears, and rainbows, etc. . . .
But, please, do not think that this means that your version of "happy" is the correct one, or that my version is not (which IS the way you come across).
Comments
Sure if I were signle I would date a porn star. Some relationships can be just for sport. Of course if she wanted something more serious I wouldn't lead her on I'd let her know I wasn't looking for the same. I don't think I could fully connect spiritually with someone doing that for a living. As long as both partners are honest and don't want something serious there is nothing wrong with that.
Of course the relationship wouldn't last long anyway with my averaged sized memeber... when she's eating steak all day it would be tough to come home and pretend to like hamburger every night.
Kristy your rebelliousness, intelligence, honesty and fire probably is quite refreshing and attractive to these guys who have had enough with Martha Stewart. If you were to be more dull, boring and complacent perhaps you would get less rebound attention
"What's the point? Where's your motivation to lead this stupid boring life? I sincerely want to understand this, I'm sure I've been put in the date but not marry category at least once or twice."
Well not seeing the value in 'this stupid boring life' as you see it certainly hurts your chances of getting into the marry category for some people. I do see the value. There is nothing in this life greater for me then spending some time with the family doing nothing... just enjoying eachothers company. I love it. And when you find a few people on the block in the same boat it's great to have a BBQ and shoot this shit while the kids play together.
I don't think my life is boring. Sure I trade some adrenalin for spiritual bliss but I personally like that trade. I don't run out every chance I get to see you or Candi
But that life I enjoy isn't for everyone. We all value and enjoy different things. I am not going to try and convert anyone to my way of thinking but I am entitled to follow the path of my choice.
But getting married is a crap shoot. You have to find someone who shares most of the values you have in life. You have to find someone you can physically and spiritually connect with. You have to find someone who fullfills your needs. That's the easy part.
But that's not enough... not by a long shot. You have to get lucky! People grow through life... they change. For the marriage to work you have to grow together in the same general direction. You have to meet the above conditions throughout all of the indiviudal changes. That's the tough part. The actual cheating is the symptom not the disease... by that time something is already broken. You have to work at the relationship all the time... but in the end a big component is luck. If you grow in different directions you will split. I beleive the biggest contributers to failing marriages in our society are our growing societal selfishness, lack of continued effort and just plain old luck.
But it can work. For the right person I still think it's worth getting all your chips in on a race. For me the pot is worth it.
[flame suit on]
Your post is a combination of adorable AND well reasoned...there's very little to take exception with ....but in my long standing tradition of being a shit-disturber, I do object to a couple points.
(ps. I typed this on my first coffee...I'll need to come back and clarify I'm sure.)
Point #1
Connection is not physical.
I think I could generally take anyone and demonstrate how, logically they are as much/more of a 'whore' than Candi.
To give you an example,
a stripper gets paid to be seen and touched a little...a writer sells an intricate piece of themselves and their imagination and thought, they sell what has generally been their all-consuming passion for several months or years.
you look ON a stripper, a writer sells you herself in a way that she never gets back and is much more personal part of 'being' IMO.
so on the whore scale: writer>stripper
Factory work: There is a strong parallel. Candi and Frank from the weld shop both sell the ability of their bodies, doing relatively mindless work for profit...
Whore scale: factory worker = stripper/porn star
and so on.
The fact that some uptight schmuck a bajillion years ago assigned a greater value to organizing thought on paper and producing for business than fucking/sexuality is only affecting modern perception...but logic is greater than that- and the Whore-scale an absolute way to equalize puritanical mindsets and objectively compare.
Cole's notes:
One cannot thrive without selling some piece of themselves. A strong back, an over-active imagination, or a sweet ass and grace.
We're all whores.
Unfortunately we are emotional creatures. I am not going to get jealous of my wife whoring her writing skills to millions of people but I am going to get jealous of my wife picking her teeth with someone else's meat toothbrush
Damn it you made me think Kristy! This will probably bug me for a while now.
QFT
(I'm not done with your post yet...more coming, just need to go 'whore' myself for a bit)
/g2
They are at bay I believe. I am posturing that they might not be if I thought she was closer to someone else physically or spiritually then she is to me or if I were to another girl. I doubt you can have a successful and fulfilling monogamous relationship with someone who loves someone else more.
For instance, she sleeps with me. If she was sleeping with another guy too I think it's fair to say jealousy and trust would come into play. Seems pretty simple to me.
I am not saying she can't have other friends or have any other close relationships. Lol, you cage a bird and he'll/she'll fly away at the first opportunity.
this standard is one of suppression of (possible) desire and has an over all negative balance where the ideal is to NOT be a drone and to seek fulfillment where it is possible. (and I'm talking spiritual as well as physical here)
You're allowing your feelings of jealousy and inadequacy to dictate your actions, instead of dealing with and eliminating these negative emotions. Which, imo, is a healthier choice.
Yes there is some supression of natural urges but there is also gain through doing so. There's a trade taking place. We do this all through our lives in so many ways. I would love to just choose do what I feel like every day rather then go to work but then I would have to consider the consequences of that choice and live without all the gains that working brings me.
I would love to just piss the bed in the morning rather then get out of it and use the toilette. Getting up makes me a drone by your definition where I see it more as a willful trade. Yes I have to supress the natural urge to stay in the warm bed but I also now don't have to wash the sheets and buy a plastic matress cover (or is someone else suppose to do that for me?). To me that's a fair trade.
You can't avoid causality or cost in this world. The best you can do is make choices you understand and are comfortable with. You do have to consider the cost when trying to decide where that balance is going to end up.
I beleive I am comfortable supressing my natural urge to sleep with other women... what I gain is worth it to me. But chacon son gout.
My brain hurts
I'm talking about making good decisions for the right reasons.
You sound like you might not be, if it is jealousy and feelings of inadequacy that spur you on most.
You should encourage your wife to be happy, and be happy yourself. Whatever that means.
I agree 100%. That's something we've been working on all these years. It sure helps you grow together. Our individual self confidence levels have also increased over these years. We are both happier as indiviudals and together then we have ever been.
"You sound like you might not be, if it is jealousy and feelings of inadequacy that spur you on most."
I am trying to find out how I conveyed that. I don't beleive that to be the case. I think I just pointed out some instances where they will naturally likely show up in most people.
I think I also tried to point out that it's important to know where your partners boundaries are when making decisions and estimating cost in some of your decisions. If you know your parter would be jealous and upset if you probed her sisters darkest regions well... it's worth considering the cost
but in discussing the point try to see that 'you' and 'your' are general and directed to the potential person that you presented. (and his potential, and common, issues)
Well I better choose to get back to work or faces the consequences....
I am keeping this part of the post for ransom at a later date
There is something greater...it is spending your time with family doing SOMETHING.
You statement and the aformentioned BBQs are mindless complacency, I hate it.
Kindly refrain from implying that I may lack spiritual bliss. Your bad, for not being able to accomplish both like I can.
As a male I am genetically pre-dis positioned to get my seed out into the world. I want to procreate and I will constantly be on the lookout for opportunities to do so.
This genetic programing makes me lust for beautiful women who ooze sexuality. Their slutty clothes tell me all I need to know. They have large breasts (for feeding my spawn), a nice waist to hip ratio (for carrying my seed) and attractive faces (that will mix nicely with my DNA) to give my children beauty. Note: my urge to shoot my DNA directly ON their attractive faces is purely a learned response.
But, it must be said that these hot, vixens who ooze their sexuality make a poor choice in a mate. They will constantly be pursued by other men and as they flaunt their sexuality I will never be sure that those children are mine. Does she have a back-door man? Sure, I would realize the issue immediately it if the baby looked like Ice-Cube or Scotty Nguyen, but it could easily be a dark haired Caucasian child and still not be the fruit of my loins.
That is why I want the Martha Stewart type for my wife. She will smile and nod, be SUPER MOM to my kids. She will be so incredibly fulfilled to cook 9 course meals on Tuesday night for supper then run for my pipe and my newspaper. As a matter of fact, she will be so busy spending her days and nights building our nest that I will be have no doubts on those bi-monthly pump and squirt sessions that I am the only man she has been able to summon the energy for.
It is only then that I can finally feel the contentment of my wedded bliss as I reach middle age. Of course I will be a little rounder then and have less hair but my at least my libido will have shifted into a lower gear. I will no longer pine for the tattooed bohemian girl who works weeknights at the rub n tug. I won't miss her unshorn armpits or her patchouli stink. I will be happy.
Of course my Martha Stewart will not be happy. She will often find herself wondering what the hell is going on. Why did she get sold this 'bill of goods'? There is no joy in being Marthat Stewart. Who wants to cook and clean and plan all day? Why did she get handed umpteen rubberized babies, a vacuum cleaner, and a pretend kitchenette before she was 3 years old? Who taught her that domesticity was the path to happiness? Why did she push to get married, push to buy the big house, push to have kids? She got everything she ever wanted only to find out that it sucks. She wanted the kids and now SHE has to feed them and wipe their ass. The big house needs a ton of cleaning and the guy she married wants to have sex with her at least once for every solstice AND equinox...
I think Martha is going to start looking for a different spot to build a nest...
very nice post.
Edit: I want to think about this more..but my initial gut-response is that in the post-Friedan era...Martha breeds daughters like me.
Some interesting discussion to bring this thread back to life. I will stick with my "Katy Couric", though. She may not set a table like Martha, or fuck like a Vivid-girl, but she makes me happy in most rooms of our home, and is helping me develop the most important thing in my life. I have had friends of longer standing from both genders, but she is the only one who is truly a partner in every aspect of my life.
Y'all excuse me now while I go start another persona, so I can deny I wrote this . . .;)
Just for clarification. So the kitchen and the dining room are out as is the bedroom.
This means that she makes you happy in the bathroom and the living room?
What kind of kinky shit goes on at your house Milo?
Can't remember seeing a Vivid girl in the bedroom, though . . . and I do most of the cooking in our house, so maybe I'm Martha (\shudder\).
Jeez, Caddy, this IS getting messed up . . .
You are right, the BBQ you are talking about where you do it because you are suppose to is stupid. We fortunately are close friends with a couple people on the street so with them its a good time.
Nothing wasn't meant literally it was meant is it doesnthave to be anything.
bffs, let's never fight again
Awesome thread.
(Just so I am not fan-boying...here is my opinion, I would date a porn star AND marry her.)
Background:
I am married and I have two kids. I have been with my wife since I was 16. I am now 34. We married at 22.
Argument:
I take exception to anyone who generalizes any relationship. There is no way to say that I am a certain way due to the nature of a long relationship like I have. I don’t do BBQs because I generally hate most people and detest small talk. Which is why, if you know me, my poker table talk is usually stupid things in attempts to make people laugh. But my social awkwardness is not a topic of discussion.
I am very happy with my wife. There is no jealousy or distrust. If I say I am going out to play poker, then she knows where I am. If she goes out I don’t get bent out of shape about where she is going. We trust each other, plain and simple.
We do spend time apart but we don’t make sure that we do. We each have a part of our own life that the other doesn’t take part in. We are not forbidden to take part in it, we just don’t. She isn’t interested in poker or theatre. I don’t hang out with some of her friends.
If I do mention that I may go to a strip bar, which is not common, she makes sure I smell good. I don’t get lap dances or really get turned on by the dances (the wood doesn’t appear), I usually go with other people. I have no problem with strippers. They get paid. Good for them. I wouldn’t want my wife to do it, but that wouldn’t be my choice. However, I would not like it and it could break up the marriage.
I also don’t want a Martha Stewart wife either. I can cook. I can clean. She can mow the lawn. Who gives a crap? I am just not turned on by watching my wife get fucked or felt up by another guy.
As for dating or marrying a porn star…I wouldn’t do either. Now if Martha Stewart turned out to be a porn star……….
*****************************************
Scientific evidence that I am wrong:
(X) sample size is 3 or better
*****************************************
Well that's it then...time for me to pack it in.
Seriously, I'm truly glad that a couple of you love your wives, but if every married man on this forum testified to loving his Martha...
..you still wouldn't change my mind.
I notice that most of you are talking in specifics and personals instead of looking at 'what is right' and then seeking it out as a desired state of being.
That feels flawed to me.
I'm not trying to change your mind. If you honestly think it, then who am I to say otherwise?
My point is simply that many people have their own view of what they want. No life is perfect. Anyone who says their life is perfect is either a fool or a liar.
To constantly look for a perfect life or the prefect relationship is pointless. You'll never find it. What you can do is find that person whom you connect with very well and build a relationship.
It's not for everyone. I don't deny that. Everyone is different.
I never said what a 'desired state of being' was...other than that it comes from personal reflection on what is right (and fair and good)
[though I do feel like I might be on a better path to deal with 'imperfect' honestly]
I notice that most of you are talking in specifics and personals instead of looking at 'what is right' and then seeking it out as a desired state of being.
[/quote]
Not to speak for any of the others, but I have looked at, "what is right", and I have sought it out. I have been fortunate enough to find my version of "what is right". I truly hope you find yours . . .
As for changing your mind, I would gladly wager on the likelihood of that happening, regardless of topic or position, so long as I get to choose first . . .
Happy Thanksgiving to all. Soon as I go visit my Mom, I am looking forward to a lovely turkey dinner, after which I will do some dishes, drink some wine, and play some poker. A good day all around
a) if you would date AND marry a pornstar, then none of this conversation is directed at you.
b)
i. For the love of God...nobody is referring to a person(wife) for 'right'
ii. Understanding (i) means that you are saying that you have found definitive answers in life, and are finished mucking out even the grey areas.
How wonderful, you should found a church.
c) The second part of the quote, again, implies (since we can be reasonably sure that you WERE inferring your wife, missing the point, and are not about to kick it karresh-style) that I am somehow incomplete.
So, in the interest of heading off any more nonsense on that train I present the following.
In my life men are obsolete.
My Aunt used to tell me growing up that men are only good for three things:
1. Making babies if you want them
2. Moving your heavy shit
3. Pay Cheques
For everything else, you'd do better with a woman.
She's half right, as someone who needs none of the above three, I am happily single. I'm doubtful that a person exists who could 'complete' me...and only slightly less doubtful that a person exists that I would WANT to deal with every day. I've got enough laundry, no ambition to eat when someone else is hungry, no need to replace my friends for intellectual stimulation and the number of a good mover...if my couch placement starts to piss me off.
The only reason most of you enjoy the lifestyle you do is out of at least one parties deep insecurities or sense of obligation.
I feel fortunate to realize that real peace and happiness supercedes gender and the antiquated sex-love correlations that most of you are so desperately clinging to.
Being married with two kids, is almost always just another 'Keeping up with the Joneses'
So go on with your happy existence, as I will with mine, and others will with theirs. You will not change my mind, as I will not change yours. Peace, love, Teddy Bears, and rainbows, etc. . . .
Dead to me. xoxoxoxo