Poker Quotes

Came across a couple of poker quotes. I liked:

"Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wright

If you come across any other good ones, post em.

Comments

  • "I don't care"
    Shannon.
  • From http://www.homepokergames.com/quotes.php

    Poker Quotes

    "Hold em is to stud what chess is to checkers." -- Johnny Moss

    "The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip was a genius." -- Big Julie

    "Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wright

    "Whether he likes it or not, a man's character is stripped bare at the poker table; if the other players read him better than he does, he has only himself to blame. Unless he is both able and prepared to see himself as others do, flaws and all, he will be a loser in cards, as in life." -- Anthony Holden (from "Big Deal")

    "Cards are war, in disguise of a sport." -- Charles Lamb, "Essays of Elia" (1832)

    "You call...gonna be all over, baby." -- Scotty Nguyen, during the 1998 World Series of Poker. Down to the final 2 players, he said this to his opponent while he held the best possible hand.




    Gambling Quotes

    "Remember this: The house doesn't beat the player. It just gives him the opportunity to beat himself." -- Nicholas (Nick the Greek) Dandalos

    "A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time." -- Author Unknown

    "Luck never gives; it only lends." -- wedish Proverb

    "When I played pool I was like a good psychiatrist. I cured 'em of all their daydreams and delusions." -- Minnesota Fats

    "There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." -- Jack Yelton

    "Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something." -- Wilson Mizner

    "The best throw of the dice is to throw them away." -- English Proverb

    "Gambling is the son of avarice and the father of despair." -- French Proverb

    "Never bet on baseball." -- Pete Rose

    "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
  • Here are some more from http://gutshot.com/funstuff/fishtales.php

    Too long to post, but some of them are hilarious!

    Here are a few-

    It cracks me up when people raise before the flop--I mean, you don't even know what you're going to have yet'
    Remark in an online chatbox Miss America

    ‘Poker is a lot like sex, everyone thinks they are the best, but most don't have a clue what they are doing! '
    Dutch Boyd

    Slade: How the hell did you know I didn't have the king or the ace?
    Lancey Howard: I recollect a young man putting the same question to Eddie the Dude. "Son," Eddie told him, "all you paid was the looking price...lessons are extra." '
    Dialogue - Cincinnati Kid:
  • I gotta go, call me....
  • me: "Your blind."
    friend who i was teaching to play poker: "Oh nooo!" while closing her eyes and feeling out in front of her like a blind person
  • Guy trying to get a read, Hey __ what should I do?

    "Take my advice and do as you please." - TJ Cloutier
  • "What did you have for supper tonight, chicken or a burger?" Wolffhound
  • I love lamp
  • "Thought I was dealt a great hand, turned out to be a live grenade"-Propagandhi
  • "Hey ... that's poker" (apply to any story or anecdote)
  • often used here....and ohhhhh soooooo true:

    Most of the money you'll win at poker comes not from the brilliance of your own play, but from the ineptitude of your opponents.  ~Lou Krieger

    p.s. Johnny, this line is classic Wolff:
    JohnnieH wrote:
    "What did you have for supper tonight, chicken or a burger?" Wolffhound

    wish I could have been at that tourney, too funny!!!!
  • Most of the money you'll win at poker comes not from the brilliance of your own play, but from the ineptitude of your opponents. ~Lou Krieger



    THAT IS THE TRUTH ...
  • "I was relieved to see he only had A5 for top two pair, I knew I was a 80% favorite to win the hand as I hadn't seen a 7 in four hands" - The poker god Lee after being dominated and believing he was an 80% favorite to win :D
  • Psi wrote:
    "I was relieved to see he only had A5 for top two pair, I knew I was a 80% favorite to win the hand as I hadn't seen a 7 in four hands" - The poker god Lee after being dominated and believing he was an 80% favorite to win :D

    Followed closely by (and I'm para-phrasing / footnoting, because I hear people like that here)

    "I will take any of y'all on heads up, and I'll even give you 2:1 odds1!


    1 In order to play me heads up however, you'll have to pay a thousand bucks to try and beat me, and if you win you get your money back, and a chance to play me again."
  • "Dude, where's my car?"
  • Where's your car, Dude?
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