USA politics
Dear Red States:
We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've
decided we're leaving.
We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the
other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of
the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially
to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America
(E.S.A).
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ol' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92%
of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can
serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of
the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese
Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US
mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99%
of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by
a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death
penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that
Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.
We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
Citizen of the Enlightened States of America
We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've
decided we're leaving.
We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the
other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of
the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially
to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America
(E.S.A).
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ol' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92%
of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can
serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of
the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese
Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US
mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99%
of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by
a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death
penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that
Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.
We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
Citizen of the Enlightened States of America
Comments
Oh GTA, I hope that is original as I am feeling definite man love right now.
Thankfully those in the enlightened states have cocaine so they won't miss the crack. And hopefully they will export some dentistry to those with teeth in neanderthal land.
...scary country where 50% could vote for Romney especially with Bush being just 4 years out of office
I still like you a lot.
Can't wait to watch The Colbert Report tonight.....and listen to Rush and Hannity tomorrow.
Most of your posts make us wish the same thing . . .
Not quite, they elected the first openly gay woman to the US Senate.
George Carlin the illusion of freedom - YouTube
I'll bet Milo was watching the Fox News election propagand.....er.....coverage.
Actually I was listening to Newstalk 1010 on the car radio when I heard that and posted as soon as I saw the thread . . . it's an election, things change.
For the record, though it is a humour piece, and I chuckled, the OP's "cut and paste" bit is what is wrong with politics today. It is no longer enough to win an election in the arena of ideas . . . you must demonize your opponent for his "views", even if you need to mischaracterize what those views really are.
As for the content of the piece, I am pretty sure that the Blue States need the Red ones just as much as the opposite is true.
And, were I able, I would have voted for Obama. On balance, I think he weighs more heavily "pro" in the pros v. cons debate than Romney does. I take issue with some of his positions, but that is okay. I really take issue with a few broken promises from 2008, but that is politics.
isn't that what propaganda is?
Witness the laughs over Obama's "54 States" comment, or the Bain Capital ads skewering Romney. Kim Campbell was very prophetic when she said that the last place to talk about serious issues was during an election campaign. Candidates no longer talk about what they believe (well, Ron Paul did, but no one wants to hear that they need to live within their means), they will tell you what they think you want to hear, or why the "other side" is going to ruin the country.
Sorry, but for all the crap you might wish to lay at Obama's doorstep, legitimately or otherwise, the US of A is not bankrupt. That said, the idea that, four years later, this is still all Bush's fault is pretty ludicrous, too.
Its been a long time since a president (or ANY leader from a country who has a central IMF bank) has been truly elected.
As one of my favorite bands propagandhi once said, 'if your dumb enough to believe em, your dumb enough to vote for 'em'
LOL @ "Kenyan born Obummer"
For the record, I am laughing at you, not with you.
/g2
"The US election is not a sprint, it is a marathon. So, Romney should not be shocked to be beaten by someone he thinks is a Kenyan."
WOH WOH WOH.....
ITT we see racism... But no hammer?
It was relevant to the role of presidency, not a defamation of being born in Kenya.
Not sure if that's what Neverlookback was referring to or not. He certainly doesn't appear to like Obama.
Two basic conditions of eligibility for presidency are you must be an American born in America, and you must be at least 35 years old.
Personally, I'm happy he won. I've never really seen much good come of Republican presidential terms.
This is lunacy. You guys JUMPED at the opportunity to throw Darb under the bus for saying the Jews controled the US govt. Which doesnt even have a derogatory statement attached to it. Now this (which clearly slams Obama in the same sentence that it paints him as an "unfit immigrant") is, "probably okay"???? Give him the benefit of the doubt?
COME ON MAN!
I was specifically referring to the Kenyan born comment and the issue of American law that requires someone be born in America to be president. That is all, full stop. I am not saying give anyone the benefit of the doubt for anything.
You mean this voter fraud?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdpGd74DrBM
And I'm sure it is just a coincidence that Romney's son has a stake in the company that owns the machines.
Pro-Romney Firm's Purchase Of Voting Machine Company Raises Alarms
Romney Investment In Voting Machines - Business Insider
Wow. Yeah, uh appearance of impropriety would be an understatement!