Sometimes it sucks being a Dad . . .

Milo

Daughter called me at work this afternoon, bawling her eyes out. Kid at her school died after collapsing on the football field last Friday. Kid was part of a dog-pile, but seemed okay in the huddle. Huddle breaks, kid collapses on the way to the line of scrimmage, and was declared brain dead over the weekend. No real details about why (and not our business), but what do I say to her? The kid's younger brother is a classmate, and her b/f is a team-mate. I think we did okay as parents when my Mom passed, and the wife's Father, but this is a whole new kettle of fish. :-[:bs:

trigs

that's some crazy stuff for sure. i can't have kids because telling them that when you die that's it, there's no heaven/hell, you just turn to dust eventually, doesn't really fly with the children.

trigs

are you religious? if yes it's easy. god chose him. it's his time. he's in heaven and it's a much better place than here. dealing with death is part of life and it's how we deal with tragedy that teaches us how to live our lives.

djgolfcan

All you can do is be there for her. Let her know she can call you any time to talk about how she is feeling. The school will have grief counsellors available for the students, I would encourage your daughter to talk to one of them.

Its a senseless tragedy that defies reason. No one is to blame, sometimes bad things happen to good people.

SuitedPair

djgolfcan wrote: »

All you can do is be there for her. Let her know she can call you any time to talk about how she is feeling. The school will have grief counsellors available for the students, I would encourage your daughter to talk to one of them.

Its a senseless tragedy that defies reason. No one is to blame, sometimes bad things happen to good people.

This, Keep her talking to you. let her friends talk to you as well if they feel the need. you seem like one hell of a decent guy to chat with.

A buddy of mine's younger brother died when hit by a car on a snowy day. We were all in high school and had known each other since I was in grade 2. his brother was 3 years younger.

We weren't very tight at any point in time that we knew each other but when walking home from school we would talk about stuff from the past and how the loss was affecting him and his mom and dad. at the end of the walks as I dropped off at home he always seem lighter than at the beginning.

Keep talking, take everything you can from every minute, and realize somethings just happen by chance and for no reason. Take what ever good characteristics this kid had and focus on those so that it seems there is a reason.

Be strong and help her to be as well. Unfortunately this is life and this is one of the lessons. study well.

Milo

Thanks, guys, for me, it's kind of a "helplessness" (that I hate). I dislike being reactive, but I have no choice. The biggest things right now is that her b/f is basically shutting her out (not wanting to talk about it with her), and her feelings of sorrow for the twin brother, whom she knows casually. She has always been a very supportive and empathetic girl, and I think it is her current inability to fulfill those two capacities that is just as upsetting to her as her own sense of loss, if that makes sense. Wife and I are just doing the whole, "here if you need/want us" thing right now . . . she had another small bout of tears when her Grandmother called after seeing it on the TV news today . . . thanks, Nanny (yeah, I know she meant well, relax). It is going to be an interesting week to say the least . . . thanks again, folks.

Unknown

I had to deal with 3 deaths this year.. 2 very, very good friends

I have been very sad.. not depressed... just sad. Really makes me reflect on life and where I'm at.

I started writing a blog, about poker and my emotions and I find that writing for me was pretty therapeutic. It's good to write things down, and reflect on what you wrote - and you can really see where your mind/brain/heart is at. which is important at a confusing time.

Perhaps writing for your daughter would be good. Personally, I found it easier than talking to people that don't understand, or "get" how I feel. . . but everyone is different I suppose.

Hope your daughter stays strong at this tough time.

Good on you for being a good parent.

SuitedPair

I don't know the full details of what happened but one thing that your daughter could do is start a drive to get an automated defibrillator purchased for the school and a few key people trained on how to use it (though technically, anyone could use it as it tells you what to do)

With what can happen in high intensity sports and with any random student/teacher at school that might have a medical issue, these things can be lifesavers in the truest sense of the word.

Have the students come together and focus on this positive thing to try and get some light from a dark event.


Arg, just looked it up and it was a brain injury.....above is not so directly relevant then. Nothing anyone could do who wasn't fully trained to be able to spot the signs and happened to be staring into his eyes after which ever hit caused the damage.

okay, back to the drawing board on a positive active response.

BrennerM

Usually when this happens they will bring in counsellors at school to help kids work through it...she should take advantage of that if available. Costanza's writing advice is good too...even if she never shares it with anybody it might be helpful for her. Helpful to have supportive parents too so good job.