DrTyore's dilemmas; WWYD

Hey all

No, these are not personal situations, so don't pull punches. Hypotheticals that I come across, and am curious to see what others think. It does occur to me that the completely biased sampling will not make this as interesting as it should be but....


Dilemma: A woman, early-mid 30's is dating a fella for several weeks/months. Things go south, and they break up. About a month afterwards, she discovers she is pregnant with his child. She decides to keep said baby.

Dilemma: Does she have an obligation to tell Daddy?

What if: - She has had no further contact /relationship with the fella?
- She has?
- Is suitably employed / financially capable
- Is not?
- Other concerns Mark didn't think of?

Provide rationalization for answers please.

Mark

Comments

  • Being a Dad now and knowing how terrific it is to be a parent, it would absolutely kill me if I found out later in life that I had a child that I wasn't informed about and thereby missed out on it's life up to that point of finding out. Regardless if the relationship is done or not, I'd want to be that child's Dad. I also think it's unfair and cruel to keep the child from having his father in his life just because Mom is done with him. If I was, right now as I read your questions, single and childless I would like to think that I would still say the same thing..
  • DrTyore wrote: »
    Hey all

    No, these are not personal situations, so don't pull punches. Hypotheticals that I come across, and am curious to see what others think. It does occur to me that the completely biased sampling will not make this as interesting as it should be but....


    Dilemma: A woman, early-mid 30's is dating a fella for several weeks/months. Things go south, and they break up. About a month afterwards, she discovers she is pregnant with his child. She decides to keep said baby.

    Dilemma: Does she have an obligation to tell Daddy?

    Yes

    What if: - She has had no further contact /relationship with the fella?

    She should still find out about potential genetic or hereditary risks that may affect her child.

    - She has?

    Even more reason to let him know, as he may or may not want to be "involved" with his child's upbringing. Kids do better with a Dad AND a Mom in their lives.

    - Is suitably employed / financially capable

    Good for her and her child, but not relevant to the morality of the question. Only relevance is the financial one . . . she doesn't "need" his wallet, and so has no incentive to contact him unless she wants to.

    - Is not?

    See above, although now she does have a financial incentive.

    - Other concerns Mark didn't think of?

    Nothing I can think of . . .

    Provide rationalization for answers please.

    Mark

    See bolded above . . .

    On a personal note, I had a slight risk of this situation happening to me when I was much younger. A girl I dated for a summer went back to Quebec to begin her University studies. We had an enjoyable time, and were pretty scrupulous about prevention, but there were a couple of slip-ups, and I always wondered if she would have let me know.
  • in my opinion, none of those factors matter. she absolutely has an obligation to tell him. she should be telling him before the baby is even born. even if he's a complete scumbag asshole. she should have considered the possible ramifications of fucking an idiot before doing so.
  • But Trigs, why is she obliged? Mark wants your reasoning, too . . . also, if "Daddy" has a family history of Parkinson's, or Cancer, or ALS, or even Colitis (like me), a smart parent would want to know about it so that their child could be an informed patient when they grew up. Like it or not, those things do matter. We had our daughter tested for a couple things as soon as it was possible. Fortunately, all genetic markers were clear.
  • Milo wrote: »
    But Trigs, why is she obliged? Mark wants your reasoning, too . . . also, if "Daddy" has a family history of Parkinson's, or Cancer, or ALS, or even Colitis (like me), a smart parent would want to know about it so that their child could be an informed patient when they grew up. Like it or not, those things do matter. We had our daughter tested for a couple things as soon as it was possible. Fortunately, all genetic markers were clear.

    she's obligated because it's not only her child, it's his as well. doesn't matter about their past issues, money, etc. he has every right to at the very least know that a child of his will/has been born. if she doesn't want anything to do with him, well fight it out in court then i guess.
  • What do you tell the child? Sorry I never let your dad know you existed? Kinda messed up thinking if you ask me. Trigs said it all, if your gonna play, you might have to pay. There always a price, dealing with buddy is her price. Milo has a good point about the genetics.

    All this assuming this guy isn't a "Russell Williams" type character. If thats the case no court in the land would have a problem taken his parental rights.
  • Assume just your average kinda dude.

    Also, didn't say anything about morals, I said obligation. I'm okay with bringing up morals though, I'd hate this to just end with "Legally she has no obligation to inform said DNA source"

    Mark
  • DrTyore wrote: »
    "Legally she has no obligation to inform said DNA source"

    is that actually true? i don't know the laws.
  • trigs wrote: »
    is that actually true? i don't know the laws.

    I haven't a clue either, but I've never heard of someone being brought up on charges of not informing daddy

    Mark
  • IANAL, but if the Mother "chooses" to keep the "DNA source" out of the loop, how would he ever know to even attempt to exercise whatever Rights he may have? You read a lot of cases where Moms go after an absentee Dad for support, and win (rightly so), but I have read little to nothing about a Father going to court to secure his parental Rights before the birth. DNA source has no say in this country over whether the incubator chooses to abort the issue before any of these questions arise (and NO, I am not trying to start that debate here . . .), so if the law were to be consistent I doubt the incubator can be forced to seek out and inform the DNA source if she chooses not to do so.
  • Milo wrote: »
    IANAL, but if the Mother "chooses" to keep the "DNA source" out of the loop, how would he ever know to even attempt to exercise whatever Rights he may have?

    sperm tracking devices?
    Milo wrote: »
    DNA source has no say in this country over whether the incubator chooses to abort the issue before any of these questions arise

    this is the issue i have. even if she wants to abort i still think she should be obligated to tell the father.
    Milo wrote: »
    so if the law were to be consistent I doubt the incubator can be forced to seek out and inform the DNA source if she chooses not to do so.

    sounds reasonable as far as the law is concerned.

    personally though, i don't give a fuck if my child is my own blood or not. if we ever decide to have children (insanely unlikely!!) we'll probably adopt. there are enough children desperate for parents to go around.
  • DrTyore wrote: »
    I haven't a clue either, but I've never heard of someone being brought up on charges of not informing daddy

    Mark

    Mother F@#$er, I cant remember there names but the was a couple that lived in Quebec that split before the birth of their baby. Mom wanted to have an abortion (not opening that can) and Dad was against it. Think it was in the early 90's. Can't remember how it came out but the courts do tend to favor women in matters of custody and maternal matters. Interesting...does mom legally have to tell the dude? But still I ask this question, how do you look your child in the eyes and say I never told the man who fathered you that I had you. I know moral issue.
  • I do know that, in Canada, if a woman can prove who the DNA source is, said source is on the hook for child support whether he wanted to be a Father or not. I do believe this is right an just. From some quick searching, it seems that there is no legal requirement to inform the DNA source, but said source does have the Right to pursue proof of paternity should he become aware of the pregnancy/birth. Of course, once paternity is proven, a host of other Rights and obligations attach.
  • Fake.

    AFAIK you can not get pregnant by 'going south'.

    Try again.
  • I feel like you guys are over-complicating the issue. Genetic history et al are really not the point.

    The point is that the guy did NOT sign up to be a sperm donor and did NOT waive his rights to any potential child's life.

    If the child is born the father should know (and pay).
  • in after kristy imo
  • is she hot?
  • Yes, for child's sake.
  • moose wrote: »
    Fake.

    <acronym title="As far as I know">AFAIK</acronym> you can not get pregnant by 'going south'.

    Try again.

    If things were going south....they'd still be together.
  • GTA Poker wrote: »
    is she hot?
    pokerJAH wrote:
    Yes, for the child's sake

    tihi...
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