A little smile for all you math geeks - you know who you are!
Teacher Arrested
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. 'Al-gebra is a problem for us,' the Attorney General said. 'They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.''
When asked to comment on the arrest, Senator McCain said, 'If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' Democratic leaders told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Senator.
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. 'Al-gebra is a problem for us,' the Attorney General said. 'They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.''
When asked to comment on the arrest, Senator McCain said, 'If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' Democratic leaders told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Senator.
Comments
Math puns are the first... sine of madness
hahahaha
hahahah
haha
ha
Now now...don't go off on a...tangent
So that's why my baggage and I were thoroughly inspected by multiple inspectors when I tried to board my Las Vegas flight! Customs let my roommate pass quickly while I went through every security procedure except a cavity check! It took such a long time that my roommate had to sit down by the adjacent coffee shop, laughing at how they had mistaken me for Osama bin Laden. They also checked for Weapons of Math Instruction in my shoes TWICE, so I had to remove my shoes again after I had put them back on.
When we got back to the Toronto airport, I discovered that the lock in my baggage was cut by Homeland Security with a note inside along with my broken lock! I may have to sign the Numerical Non-Proliferation Treaty before I return to Las Vegas, in order to prevent the spread of mathematical weapons at the WSOP.