And that's when the fight started...
Got this as an email forward and several of these had me cracking up so I thought I'd share it....
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive....
so, I took her to a gas station.....
and then the fight started....
********
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my
Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife
about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too'
And then the fight started.....
****
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
****
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out
of his car
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things
just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over
to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And
then the fight started.....
****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect. And then the
fight started.....
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive....
so, I took her to a gas station.....
and then the fight started....
********
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my
Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife
about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too'
And then the fight started.....
****
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
****
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out
of his car
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things
just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over
to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And
then the fight started.....
****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect. And then the
fight started.....
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Milton Slim