A question for Steve Kerr and others on the forum who have kids.

UnknownUnknown
in Off Topic Lounge
My partner and I are having our second ultra sound this Thursday. We have the option at this time of learning the gender of our baby. Talking with friends, we get totally mixed messages. Some say it's a great experience to be surprised, others that it helped with planning to know ahead of time. Wondering what you did and what you would recommend?

We're pretty undecided and have been changing our mind daily.

So we're seeking input and advice from as many places as possible.

Thanks in advance.

Comments

  • cadillaccadillac
    Chose not to know for either.


    For 1st child my wife had like 7 ultrasounds...long story. 3 of the techs referred to our unborn child as a 'he' while they did their work. Obviously the child was born with a gargantuan penis (much like his father). No seriously, picture Danny DeVito on a pogo stick.


    We liked not knowing just for the sake of being surprised and it was great fun toying with all the family as they agonized over purchasing gender neutral gifts. =D


    During pregnancy 2 wife swore it would be a boy. She was wrong.
    During pregnancy 1 wife swore it would be a girl. She was wrong.
    During our courtship wife swore I was a perfect catch................


    My advice is keep it as a surprise. What true surprises do we really have in life anymore.
  • WaterLooserWaterLooser
    I preferred not to know. But my wife is a major control freak and anal-retentive planner. So we made a compromise, did not find out for the first one, found out for the second.

    I must say I preferred not knowing until the last moment. There was just something different about #2's birth. If you are going to be there in person, then go ahead and find out, it's still a surprise, but it is good to be there and see it in person. If you aren't going to be present for the US, I suggest not finding out.
  • STR82ACESTR82ACE
    My wife had to go through a series of ultrasounds as well as ambio's (don't know the correct spelling, sorry) which practically guaranteed the gender of the baby. They asked if we wanted to know, both of us declined. However, on an emergency call, the ultrasound tech told me it was a boy. WRONG!!

    We both decided not to know at the time, and to be surprised. Well, needless to say we were, and I couldn't have been happier!

    If you REALLY need to know to get things organized and colour co-ordinated, go ahead and find out. But if its not that big of an issue, wait for the birth. You'll be just as happy if not more so.
  • MiloMilo
    We had a similar experience to AJ, what with the tests (amniosentesis), etc. When we got the results our family doc told us to avoid the top of page 1 if we wanted the gender to be a surprise. I hate surprises so went right for it. Once she knew that I knew, my wife insisted on knowing as well. No regrets. I would say take it as it comes. If something happens that reveals the gender to a relative degree of certainty, so be it. Most ultrasound techs would not know a johnson from a forearm anyway (well, except in Caddie's case). Enjoy the ride.
  • ItsaMeItsaMe
    Go for the surprise!

    fwiw the 100% sex determining tests pose risk to the baby (the one Milo mentioned involves puncturing the amniotic sack) and is only done when need outweighs the potential complications from the procedure, so your ultrasound (which is completely safe!) won't be a sure thing anyway. I've had two friends who were informed of sex incorrectly from ultrasound results.

    edit: *sigh*
    Kristy
  • UnknownUnknown
    Yeah, we actually stayed clear of the whole triple screen. We read all over the place that the false positive rate was sky high, which resulted in unneeded Amnio's, and all sorts of scary things.

    We've had some friends who reported that the position of the baby made it seem as though he or she was advertising, and there was really no way to avoid finding out.

    I've also heard that the extremely high Chinese immigrant population in Vancouver has resulted in a don't tell policy when it comes to gender. I guess as a carry over of the one child rule in China(former 1 child rule?). This hasn't been confirmed by me, but I've heard it can actually be very difficult to find out from the Ultrasound tech's anyhow.

    Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I think when I first found out we were pregnant, I was so excited at the prospect of having a son, that I might have given my lady love the impression that a daughter would be a disappointment. Nothing could be further from the truth to be honest, but I think it's led her to want to find out the gender early so I'll have time to get over my disappointment(which would be a non issue)

    With that in mind, I think it might help her if it's my choice not to find out the gender. Let her know that it doesn't really matter to me at the end of the day.
  • IM-ON-TILTIM-ON-TILT
    Trust me dude, I was expecting a boy but when my daughter was born, it didn't matter. All that matter was she was healthy, and having it as a surprise was an amazing feeling!

    dinobot wrote: »
    Yeah, we actually stayed clear of the whole triple screen. We read all over the place that the false positive rate was sky high, which resulted in unneeded Amnio's, and all sorts of scary things.

    We've had some friends who reported that the position of the baby made it seem as though he or she was advertising, and there was really no way to avoid finding out.

    I've also heard that the extremely high Chinese immigrant population in Vancouver has resulted in a don't tell policy when it comes to gender. I guess as a carry over of the one child rule in China(former 1 child rule?). This hasn't been confirmed by me, but I've heard it can actually be very difficult to find out from the Ultrasound tech's anyhow.

    Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I think when I first found out we were pregnant, I was so excited at the prospect of having a son, that I might have given my lady love the impression that a daughter would be a disappointment. Nothing could be further from the truth to be honest, but I think it's led her to want to find out the gender early so I'll have time to get over my disappointment(which would be a non issue)

    With that in mind, I think it might help her if it's my choice not to find out the gender. Let her know that it doesn't really matter to me at the end of the day.
  • JimmyHoJimmyHo
    typical gamblers, like the element of surprise :) found out both ahead of time. Much better for planning. Makes choosing a name a lot easier. Either way, its all good.

    Hint, if she is grumpy, its a boy.
  • MiloMilo
    Yeah, we went through the false positives for the 16 week tests, hence the amnio. When I found out that those are OPTIONAL tests I freaked on several peoples heads for what they put my wife through. Almost became a legal/police issue at one point. Good on you for avoiding that pitfall. My green-skinned friend is bang on though. As long as all the fingers and toes are in the right places, the gender is basically irrelevant. When I got to hold my little girl for the first time, it was the GREATEST moment of my life, followed very closely by the hardest moment when I had to give back to the nurses in neo-natal. Still everything was fine in the end, as I hope it will be for the two of you. Get sleep now, while you still can.
  • zunni74zunni74
    We found out on purpose with our first child - a girl
    We found out by accident with our second - when he moons you on the ultra-sound.. you don't need help to determine the sex ;)
  • RedingtonRedington
    Nobody has the guts to say it so...

    Dont find out, if you do you will be disapointed if if is not gender similar.
    IE - Daddy wants a boy, Mommy wants a girl

    I know you not aloud to say it but that is how it is.

    However, when 'it' is born as long as it is healthy then you won't care.

    T
  • MiloMilo
    Exact opposite of the truth, in my case. I wanted a girl, the missus wanted a boy. Most of my married friends were the same way. Must be the water in Bramalea.
  • UnknownUnknown
    Redington wrote: »
    Nobody has the guts to say it so...

    Dont find out, if you do you will be disapointed if if is not gender similar.
    IE - Daddy wants a boy, Mommy wants a girl

    I know you not aloud to say it but that is how it is.

    However, when 'it' is born as long as it is healthy then you won't care.

    T

    No no, that's not the issue at all.

    Mum and Dad both are sort of crossing fingers for a boy.

    You're right in saying that we won't give a rats ass provided he or she is happy and healthy.
  • tekguy22tekguy22
    pokerJAH wrote: »
    .

    Hint, if she is grumpy, its a boy.

    How do you tell is she's grumpy most times even when not pregnant?? lol
  • MarcoGDMarcoGD
    We wanted our first to be a surprise, but for our second, we wanted to be prepared. However, whether you find out or not, the incredible feeling you get when you hold your child for the first time doesn't change.

    P.S. sorry for the sappy father moment
  • zunni74zunni74
    MarcoGD wrote: »
    We wanted our first to be a surprise, but for our second, we wanted to be prepared. However, whether you find out or not, the incredible feeling you get when you hold your child for the first time doesn't change.

    P.S. sorry for the sappy father moment

    For all the talk about dead beat dads and people who refuse to admit their parentage, it continues to be awesome that there's such a group of us who are big softies when it's comes to our families :)
  • UnknownUnknown
    I just found out last night that my thursday night drunken beer league softball team name is going to be the "Weekend Dad's".

    I'm going to silkscreen "future" on my shirt.

    Poor taste?
  • The_AwesomeThe_Awesome
    For the first one there is just so much stuff you have to buy and get ready and plan out. So we decided to find out at the ultrasound the sex of the baby.

    The second time around it was old hat and we weren't nearly as wound up about the enormity of the situation. So for the 2nd baby we decided to let it be a surprise.
  • UnknownUnknown
    Ultrasound is at 2 pm today.

    I'll let you guys know what happened.
  • WaterLooserWaterLooser
    MDOLLA: Complete Idiot's Guide to Safe Baby Pregnancy (23 photos)
  • g2g2
    And once you get past the pregnancy:

    Do's and don'ts with babies :: Hilarious pics

    /g2
  • SteveKerrSteveKerr
    sorry about being late to this thread but been a little pre-occupied.

    We went with NOT finding out, it adds excitement and surprise.

    and as long as the little one is healthy that is all that really matters
  • MiloMilo
    g2 wrote: »
    And once you get past the pregnancy:

    Do's and don'ts with babies :: Hilarious pics

    /g2

    I played with my daughter EXACTLY as shown in the DON'T picture. She loved it. Laughing, smiling . . . Mom, not so much.
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