Nettiquette question

KristyKristy
in Off Topic Lounge
How big of a deal do you think reading someone else's E-mail or PMs is?

I towed a very hard line, saying that person would probably out of my life entirely..it seems like an absolute violation of trust.

But I was surprised to find that the others all seemed to think it was perfectly normal. Especially, they seemed to think it was ok to read your girlfriend/boyfriends/partners e-mail.

I thought I'd pose the question here, and see if this is just another way that I'm 'not getting' computers and the interweb.

Comments

  • DrTyoreDrTyore
    E-mail, although not secure from a techno-POV, is private, and should not be read without foreknowledge & permission

    Mark
  • MiloMilo
    DITTO ! ! ! If it has your name on it, it is PRIVATE. If it is a group e-mail (ie several people c.c.éd), I would not get pissed at someone looking over my shoulder, but that is about it. Looking at my e-mails, uninvited, is a violation of personal boundaries. The techno aspect is a straw-man argument. Like not objecting to infringements on your rights and liberties because, "if you have nothing to hide . . ."
    These are people who's lives are usually too dull to HAVE anything to hide.
    Sorry, but this sort of crap frosts my cookies.
    \\ Rant Off \\
  • DataMnDataMn
    I can't see how someone can justify that e-mail isn't supposed to be private.

    I would definitely feel violated if I found my wife going through my email, even though I don't get messages that I have to hide.
  • stpboystpboy
    I've been in situation(s) where I was violated. What I was doing was worse though so it kinda justified itself.

    stp
  • MiloMilo
    Do not know that I can agree with that, stp. One act is separate from the other, in my opinion. Is a husband's infidelity justified by the infidelity of his wife? I do not think so. In that instance the only justifiable response is divorce. If someone suspects their partner/friend/whatever of betraying them in some fashion or another, I would say their first obligation is to confront them with their concerns. Based on the response to that, you proceed as you feel best serves your interests, but at least you have had the stones to serve notice of your suspicions. After all, if you get caught sneaking around looking for something that is not there, you merely make yourself look like a fool. And, in the process, your relationship with that person is ruined anyway.
  • KristyKristy
    cosign^^^

    well put
  • AcidJoeAcidJoe
    stpboy wrote: »
    I've been in situation(s) where I was violated. What I was doing was worse though so it kinda justified itself.

    stp

    It never justifies itself. One act is independent of another. Just because you read the others e mail doesn't give them license to read yours (if that was the case). My e mail, yahoo, msn etc is private. If I found someone reading it that would be it. I have nothing to hide but it is private. End of story.

    BTW if you need breast enhancement, a bigger dick or meds pm me and I will forward all my great e mails.
  • stpboystpboy
    Sorry, what I meant was that I had a girlfriend that had read my emails (many times) without my knowledge. In the end she did find a few emails that were rather innapropriate. Sure I felt violated and betrayed but obviously couldn't be mad at her for what she did when what I was doing was 10x worse.

    I think if you aren't doing anything wrong then you likely wouldn't care if a loved one read your personal emails. It all depends on their intent though, if it's because they don't trust you then you really need to look at that. I don't know, I guess there are a number of scenarios that could justify reading anothers emails and it being ok (ie. confirming plans with mutual friends). Of course, being honest about it is the best way to go.

    Me personally though, I would never read anothers email with the hope to find something sneaky. What a brutal way to find out. As has been said, if you don't trust the person enough to confront them then you likely should be exploring why that is and consider moving on.

    stp
  • IM-ON-TILTIM-ON-TILT
    Emails are private, plain and simple. Just like you shouldn't give your bank card pin # to anyone, even your partner!
  • KristyKristy
    stpboy wrote: »
    Sure I felt violated and betrayed but obviously couldn't be mad at her for what she did when what I was doing was 10x worse.

    I understood that you were saying this...and I disagree completely. That's like saying stealing gum is ok as long as you take it from a prostitute.

    See how it is illogical now?
  • MiloMilo
    Aaaah the old, "Ïf you're not doing anything wrong . . ."
    I call, I believe the appropriate term is, SHENANIGANS. That sort of logic is so weak. As previously mentioned, wrongs a person commits against you are separate from the wrongs you have, or may, commit against them. If, for example, you slept with your g/f's sister, that does not excuse her opening an e-mail addressed to you from that sister. What you did was WAY worse(unless she was really smoking . . .NO, NO . . . thats not right), but she STILL had not right to violate that boundary. It takes less effort, but it is EXACTLY analagous to reading someone elses letters straight out of their mail-box.
    Why do you think it has YOUR name on it, anyway?
  • stpboystpboy
    Ok, I agree that it was wrong (her reading my emails) however I couldnt exactly get on her for it. Could you imagine how that would look? lol

    stp
  • MiloMilo
    How you react to an affront like this is entirely your business. Kristy's original question was whether there was ever any justification for it. I think we have sufficiently flogged this pony enough to say:

    HELL NO ! ! !
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