slightly depressed about the world tonight
I am sitting here, trying to organize my thoughts and I am just not getting anywhere. My better half and I had a chat tonight and she wanted to know why I am not myself - I think I am distant or something.
I had an AWESOME vacation in Europe and I am setting up what looks to be a great poker summit, but I am still missing something in life. My employment situation is the source of my anxiety tonight. I would have to write a few hundred pages to describe how I got here (at this point in life) but really, the situation can be summed up in a few lines. I really, really want to do something I love for a living. I had a job I did well and liked doing for 4 years and I left it for various reasons in Oct of 2004. I have not found anything really fulfilling since.
I have had many ideas, most of them crap, a few brilliant, but nothing has panned out yet (so much for entrapeneurial life being easy). I still have some things I wish to try, I think some of them might be successful but I just find my level of optimism is fading.
Maybe I need to sleep on it.
Just a mini rant/vent to clear my head. Somehow, I figure someone here might know what this phase of the life cycle feels like and I suppose that will ease the feeling a little. If not, I can use this post to look back when things are great to ground myself and find a little reminder of the not so exciting times.
Forgive the ramble
I had an AWESOME vacation in Europe and I am setting up what looks to be a great poker summit, but I am still missing something in life. My employment situation is the source of my anxiety tonight. I would have to write a few hundred pages to describe how I got here (at this point in life) but really, the situation can be summed up in a few lines. I really, really want to do something I love for a living. I had a job I did well and liked doing for 4 years and I left it for various reasons in Oct of 2004. I have not found anything really fulfilling since.
I have had many ideas, most of them crap, a few brilliant, but nothing has panned out yet (so much for entrapeneurial life being easy). I still have some things I wish to try, I think some of them might be successful but I just find my level of optimism is fading.
Maybe I need to sleep on it.
Just a mini rant/vent to clear my head. Somehow, I figure someone here might know what this phase of the life cycle feels like and I suppose that will ease the feeling a little. If not, I can use this post to look back when things are great to ground myself and find a little reminder of the not so exciting times.
Forgive the ramble
Comments
As I said, I have some great ideas, I just need some inspiration to pick myself up and try again.
I think the most important thing in life is to do what you have to do, until you can do what you want to do, or until you feel you and your signifigant other are ready to leap into the unknown.
I don't know if this will help any, but I thought I'd let you know that on your sleepless night's, your not alone.
Rob
I am not as miserable as that post seemed. Mostly reflective.
I kinda want to kick life in the crotch and steal it's milk money, just like grade 4. I am just at the 3rd night of not sleeping well and I feel as though I want to walk away from it all. But I can't. From the sound of it, I would guess that a few other people are at the same phase (or close enough that they remember) and I think that helps.
It's weird - total strangers (well, internet buddies at most) can help your head.
Weird world.
well. when I was in amsterdam, the answer would have been about 2 grams and a nice bean bag chair to crash in. Here, I am not so sure.
I think I just have to keep plugging away at it. It's actually pretty simple. It's just these moments that get to me.
I had a discussion with another start-up today and I think that's what triggered my B.S.-o-meter. I kinda feel as though I am trying to find a get rich quick scheme, but with out the 'quick' part. I am ready to bleed for the right project, but each one I take on seems to implode (as opposed to explode) which actually creates a compound frustration thing.
Anyhow, I shall let my dreams take me away....
Well, good things can happen again. I can't assume to know your reasons but I am near 35 and left a job I did well for 3.5 years in August of 2004. Everyone was quite puzzled I wasn't going to the competition or switching fields. I was weary of my Veal-Fattening Pen* and fortunate to make a couple of financial moves to give me some time to figure out what next. Perhaps my exit nudged 2 guys I had worked with just a bit more. They soon after quit, registered a U.S. business and began contracting for our original company. They've subcontracted the overflow to me. I doubt these gravy days will last more than a couple of years. I have to just enjoy working legally in a market I was refused before. Those INS employees can be quite arbitrary at times. Hopefully there's something familiar to you in my short story.
I find sleep the quickest fix. Tomorrow I suggest renting Office Space. Even if you didn't work in an office, it still might remind you of all the reasons you left. I read in GIANT magazine a special Office Space DVD is comming later this year. Something to look forward to.
Hmmm, a last minute addon - other movies that 'eventually made me quit' Fight Club, Matrix (only the original please) and who knows maybe even Being John Malkovitch - not that I want to be a puppeteer.
All four of the movies I listed came out in 1999. I find that stunning.
I'll forgive the ramble but not the gamble.
* Coupland
Don't mean that to sound too depressing, only what you are feeling is more common then you might think. Live well, laugh often.
I totally kicked life in the crotch this weekend.
Back to normal...
right now i am at a point in my life where i am asking myself if it isnt just a better idea to pack a really small number of things and take off. start over.
I just recently ended things with my girlfriend of a year. I was (and of course still am) in love with this girl. and it seems i was working so hard for the last year to make things work with me and her. and then it all failed. a truely depressing point in the life of johnny adams.
***hey, at least i forget about all of my bad times when i'm pulling huge stacks of chips towards me***
thanks guys.
Johnny