Heads Up Challenge Vs Zithal Sign Up
My dominance and poker skillz on this board is well documented and peoples phear me, so I'm offering a one-time only chance for anyone to play me, head-ups. You put up $1 and I will put up $1,000,000!! I'm am just that damned good... and poker skillz.
To get a chance to plays me, you must go through the following qualifiers...
First, you put up $1,000 and we each get 1 chip, which is put all-in blind in the first hand. (Kindas like that really good Nascar poker show) If I win, you lose. If you win, you get refunded $50 of your buy-in, BUT you get to play me in round two and I will tell my pet poodle, Jube-Jube that you were the better player today.
Round two, is a $10,000 buy-in heads-up match where I get to look at your cards whenever I want and I may swtich one or both cards with you at any point in the hand. (THIS IS A REAL TOURNAMENT!!! JUST ASK GREG RAYMER! HE LOST TO ME NO MORE THAN THREE TIMES!!!) If I win, you lose, which means that I have won because you have lost. If you win, you get $50 of your buy-in back, BUT you get to play me in Round 4 and I get to makes sweet love with your mom, while I tell her that you were the better player today.
Round four is the final round and it is a $100,000 heads up match. But I think your too much of a pussy to play me in this round... poker skillz. In this match we will circle jerk over a piece of bread. If I win, you lose and you must eat the bread. If you win, you must also eat the bread and you get $50 of your buy-in back. BUT, you get to play me in the $1,000,000 match and I get to makes sweet love to your dad, while I tell him that you were the better player today.
(P.S. I also reserves the right to cancel this anytime after round 4.)
Who will challenge me????? ..and POKER SKILLZ!!!
To get a chance to plays me, you must go through the following qualifiers...
First, you put up $1,000 and we each get 1 chip, which is put all-in blind in the first hand. (Kindas like that really good Nascar poker show) If I win, you lose. If you win, you get refunded $50 of your buy-in, BUT you get to play me in round two and I will tell my pet poodle, Jube-Jube that you were the better player today.
Round two, is a $10,000 buy-in heads-up match where I get to look at your cards whenever I want and I may swtich one or both cards with you at any point in the hand. (THIS IS A REAL TOURNAMENT!!! JUST ASK GREG RAYMER! HE LOST TO ME NO MORE THAN THREE TIMES!!!) If I win, you lose, which means that I have won because you have lost. If you win, you get $50 of your buy-in back, BUT you get to play me in Round 4 and I get to makes sweet love with your mom, while I tell her that you were the better player today.
Round four is the final round and it is a $100,000 heads up match. But I think your too much of a pussy to play me in this round... poker skillz. In this match we will circle jerk over a piece of bread. If I win, you lose and you must eat the bread. If you win, you must also eat the bread and you get $50 of your buy-in back. BUT, you get to play me in the $1,000,000 match and I get to makes sweet love to your dad, while I tell him that you were the better player today.
(P.S. I also reserves the right to cancel this anytime after round 4.)
Who will challenge me????? ..and POKER SKILLZ!!!
Comments
I accept this challenge. I have received many offers from around KW from people willing to bankroll my $1. With the current offers, I may be able to play round 1 with a $5 buy-in. I'll keep you posted.
G. Hansen
GG
Damn
Garlic toast dripping in 'butter' maybe?
ScottyZ
Zithal, that was an awesome post, even funnier than some of Scotty's.
I was ok until I got to round 4. LMAO
That is sooooo disturbing.
Coming over the top prematurely, generally frowned upon in most circles, would be a winning strategy. A real stroke of genius.
Busting out early is encouraged.
You wouldn't want to slow play with a strong hand. The odd feeler bet maybe but mostly you want to push your stack hard to the middle. Post-flop action would be challenging.
Special poker gear is in order. Not just the sunglasses and hat but also a raincoat is recommended.
It might be disturbing but it CAN'T be toasted Cuz he said Bread
I hereby nominate Zithal for POST OF THE YEAR!
Damn that was funny!!!
JohnnieH
Other than that... thanks for the good laugh!
The rules were certainly not sexist. Please read the rules of the competition carefully.
Note to Zithal: you may want to consider devoloping an FAQ to handle these kinds of questions. Your new tourney format seems to be quite popular so far.
Nowhere was it specified that anything at all (e.g. butter, jam, bodily fluids, marmalade) was required to actually land during the bread in the final round.
One other thing that may need further consideration is how to handle the prize payouts in case of any sort of difficulties in locating the opponent's parents.
ScottyZ