I’m sitting around bored at the moment so I thought I’d write this up (even though I’m assuming pkrfce9 most likely doesn’t care, but I still find it interesting).
This is in response to the following comments between the two of us in reference to Fred Phelps’ recent passing:
pkrfce9:
Where's the love?
Where's the forgiveness?
The gays have turned the other cheek in a matter of speaking.
me:
i think forgiveness is overrated. most people forgive for selfish reasons anyway i.e. in order to just let things go so i can relax and forget about my stress i choose to forgive the morons.
in general, i don't think people actually, truly forgive in most situations. it's similar to the "i forgive but i never forget" comment which makes absolutely no sense to me.
pkrfce9:
no sense? forgive me for asking but aren't you supposed to be the philosophy guy?
me:
(thread derail) i'm not saying i don't understand what people mean (or think they mean) when they say that comment. i'm saying that i don't think it makes sense logically. i can explain if you want.
pkrfce9:
It makes perfect sense
Well pkrfce9, here is why I think it doesn’t make sense:
First off, we have to consider what we mean by “forgive”. I’m simply copying and pasting from wiki the following:
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as revenge, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.
The important point here is the second half which refers to letting go of negative emotions and even going as far as wishing the offender well. Now, for the most part, many people do not feel that way when they “forgive” someone. I’m not saying it never happens, but it’s very rare for someone to truly forgive in this sense.
Now when someone uses the phrase “I forgive but I never forget”, we can assume that the “I forgive” part is referring to the definition written above, but what about the “I never forget”. What exactly are they never forgetting? That’s where I have issues with this statement.
If all one means is that “I forgive you but I have a good memory and therefore I will literally just have this memory of what you did to me in my mind simply because I can’t force myself to forget it”, well that’s just kind of a strange thing to say in this context. After all, forgiving does not necessarily mean that the incident in question must be completely wiped from memory. Therefore, if this is what one means, it’s pretty much a pointless comment and quite a strange one to make in this context of forgiveness.
On the other hand, if instead what one means is “I forgive you but I will always remember this incident and therefore in the future if I am put into a similar situation with you, I will act differently because I remember what you did to me in the past”, well then that is not truly forgiving now is it. If you truly forgave that person (as in the definition above), you’d have absolutely no issues dealing with that person again, even in the same or a similar situation as the original incident that caused you pain or stress. You would have no hard feelings or negative feelings, and you’d want the other person to do well and succeed. So why would you be reluctant to be in the same situation with that person if you actually forgave them?
Hence, when someone says “I forgive but I don’t forget”, they are either making pointless statements, or they are not actually forgiving the person at all. At best they are choosing to ignore and/or act civil around the person, but for all intents and purposes, they are not going to ever get into a similar situation with that same person again (i.e. they didn’t truly forgive).